Perfect Sense (In a not so perfect world)

If love is the achievable for us all and if this choice we call “love” is our desire to fulfill then why do we suffer in making the attempt of loving another? We use our best efforts in reaching those of potential in hopes of not only delivering the best of our abilities, but the failure of reciprocation possibly hindering us in being afraid in establishing second or third chances. If you’re reading this of course it’ll make perfect sense to you but the realization is quite common…… in a not so perfect world caution possibly keeps us at ease in fear of objectifying the inevitable that keeps us correct in another’s intentions, instead of giving ourselves time to remain patient for the potential that our heartbreak and tears deserve.

We deserve no less than the best.

– C.A. Thomas

Share yourself with me.

Share yourself with me. Allow your life to become apart of me. Exchanging our hesitations, replacing with similar vibrations we identify by the flow of our language. Share your yourself with me, the frustrations and tears you’ve hidden in fear of me thinking of you differently. What if I shared my love with you, revealing my heartaches and frustrations to you? Would you stay and feel obliged in healing a writer’s craft? Or would you abandon our page with only blue lines to ignore? Share yourself with me, so I can explore the true vessel of you in the form of something real, something sincere with such meaningful purpose.

Share yourself with only me….. cause I’m stingy like that.

– C.A. Thomas

The Paintbrush Of Expectations.

A child can teach us the responsibility of parenting and as the reward itself is garnered through expectations. It’s too easy to disappoint, so cruel in painting a canvas of hope if you’re not willing to demonstrate the details to a child who’s eager paint their own. I’ve learned that it’s wise if not best to never hold expectations on anyone who may not exactly fit the role of an artist. Sometimes it’s better to observe the view from a distance instead of jumping in to finger paint.

I need my own paintbrush.

– C.A. Thomas

Dancing In The Rain.

Let’s try something different. Take my hand as I guide us toward the rain. As the drops seep beneath our pores, inhaling life’s cycle as the water begins moving in motion with our bodies colliding. The sky is flickering, adrenaline rushing, afraid of lightning possibly ruining our chance of writing our signatures amongst the gentleness of grass beneath our toes. Hold me as I kiss you, tender you with all my love of warmth eager to be released. Follow me, grab me into the darkness of the unknown. Savor me till our taste forms the unforgettable taste of rain.

Dance with me.

– C.A. Thomas

“Court”

Could Court give you butterflies or bring forth nervousness in a room where a jury summons could predict a verdict? Could a woman of virtue and grace instill in a man’s heart the ability of “courting” her with only one expectation? Her ambitious love for a man should keep him on his toes, never growing comfortable. Could a woman of substance cause a standing ovation in a crowded room? Is her presence powerful enough in realizing how close she is within reach? Sometimes she could be a dream, maybe she could make the strongest man feel a bit timid……. isn’t that what a Queen does?

– C.A. Thomas

Reset (A Fresh Start)

A button with a label that could alter the course of many mistakes, many errors, many signs of guilt potentially defining the way we are, how we’re functioning as human beings. If a fresh start involves the push of a button, literally wiping the pain, the misery, the sadness, the suffering, where would that leave us with knowledge or wisdom? Possibly exposing us to the beginning of innocence before introduced to lies and deceit which forces us in creating a barrier hoping to never experience such dark details ridding our happiness. Maybe our reset is prevented from no longer making us oblivious to the obvious we overlook, or refusal in partaking through noticing. The logical theory we learn is understanding many things we have no control on, yet we’re constantly ridiculed and judged if not faulted for situations we never ask for.

Would you “reset” if the opportunity presented itself?

I wouldn’t.

– C.A. Thomas

Shorter Time

Time is much shorter than we anticipate. Fun quickens time, boredom prolongs time yet we complain of being elsewhere than where we’re meant to be. Sadly it takes the death of someone we’re familiar with in recognizing that time is only shortened tremendously the minute funeral arrangements are orchestrated, the coffin is carefully selected, and the burial plot is already prepared. Our memories are blatantly scarce within a second, our goodbyes are securely tucked away in prevention, hoping denial is only as false as the perception of letting go.

– C.A. Thomas

The Value Of A Penny.

Crave attention so much I’d pay a fee of service. Is it worth the price? For a limited amount of time in getting to know someone in hopes of guessing the nature of their well being? I reach in my pocket only to discover lint and a tarnished penny. A penny I observe closely as I reveal the year it was established. (1983) it reads, the year I was conceived and brought forth into a world where people would spend their last to impress a desire that requires more effort than an honest hug. Attention is the accident we’ve all practiced, closely succeeding only in failing with attention overlooked by the fantasy our seekers discover in another. We’re the penny that carries more value than its price. Our worth multiplies by the person who’s willing to save and cherish the penny for two reasons: where it was found and how it is cared for.

– C.A. Thomas

Catch Me

Falling hard is how I’m feeling lately. My knees have weakened, even in practicing different stances to keep my balance. I can easily recollect on the good I’ve done but I’m falling, still losing a balance I once believed set in stone. If I were caught I’d embrace the capturer, soaking in tears I never knew were there, staring in a pair of eyes I never knew were watching, hearing a soft voice my ears have yet to earn. Catch me so I’ll become yours, teach me in understanding the ways of you, adoring you, loving you, appreciating every part of you that’ll intensify my inquisitive.

Catch me, hold onto me.

– C.A. Thomas

Henry (Fidell)

Dedicated to Andrea & Christian.

Never met a true hustler till I met you. We have our stories, our versions till we meet the individual who’s character reveals the path we’re destined to cross. My version of you is recalled like yesterday’s recollection as a man known in creating opportunities beyond the inevitable, giving your best in seeing others succeed before your very self. Only God knows your heart more than we’ve anticipated, only God knew your smile better than we’ve speculated and only God granted us to you in a period that convinced us all that no matter what….. even angels can make the doubtful believe that good has walked amongst us. Rest on Henry, God has you now.

– C.A. Thomas

Unmatched Intimacy

We come from two different worlds yet here are, unmatched not realizing the potential we could awaken from each other. Let’s begin with a smile I can simulate with practice, a hug I could generate through trust, a kiss I could feel in relief. Sharing our stories implicating our laughter, our sadness, our failures, our triumphs bringing our unmatched doubts closer than before. I wanna experience this form of intimacy, this exhibit of loyalty our bodies can easily translate.

We’ve suffered long enough.

– C.A. Thomas

Therapy

May 1st, 2018 was indeed the scariest and most surprising day of my life. Early that morning I received news that I was expected on becoming a father. Nervous and afraid I shared the news with few who are closest to me. Upon learning the news came the devastating moment of also learning that my unborn child was in the high percentile of being miscarried. Depression paid me an unexpected visit that kept me isolated and quiet for many weeks and on the day of our ultrasound we were told that our baby had already passed. The would’ve been mother of my child has become the therapy I desperately sought out. The sight of her brings joy that entices my advantage of learning to smile once more. I crave her hugs, her tenderness I miss at times when I find myself all alone. Although we’re not together my heart has reserved a special place for her. Plans are subject in changing but I’m learning to accept God’s plans are much bigger and sufficient than my very own. To my unborn child who’s now with the heavily father himself…… I love you.

– C.A. Thomas

Great conversation ending in “V”.

Conversation that captures the attention of a smile is quite rare. Thinking of an angelic face that captivates every inch of energy that surfaces to the root of your soul, climbing its way to the very top of a beaming light I call “life”. A shareable laugh we both are entitled to share on a day serving as the importance of an established new beginning. Virtuous in a dream, vibrant in many details verifying such substance beyond tangible exuberance. I verify this with a rose of I give to you….. calling it “Vermique”.

– C.A. Thomas

Pinnacle Thinking

Time has revealed that no matter how much you encourage others to improve themselves “self” should always begin as the foundation of a successful structure. No harm or inspiring words are ever dispersed in crippling the handicapped but to instill discipline needed in facing the adversities life delivers. Until you determine the changes needed in your well being disappointment will always remain the familiar that could become difficult to rid of.

– C.A. Thomas

BookMark

First off I would like to thank all of you for assisting me on this journey of writing. Your comments and likes have eagerly encouraged me to continue writing better than before. The time has arrived for me to put my writings on hold, for I am now embarking on a journey that requires more of my time than anticipated. Once again I truly thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Always,

– C.A. Thomas

Perseverance

For Stephanie.

The achievement in perseverance is already knowing the battle is won. The harder life becomes the easier it is releasing a struggle that we ourselves are constantly battling daily. In fear of judgement we could become guarded of our “Achilles Heel” when our strength is what testifies our healing. It is important that we credit ourselves for surviving, making it further by waking up then previously held through captivity in pain. The brightness that lies ahead of us is worth the reach……. as the strength encourage us to never loosen the grip.

– C.A. Thomas

Deserve

In our hearts we feel we deserve the person who attracts us, the career our childhood illuminates our dreams to pursue. With enough disappointments life depicts a totally different outlook on what we feel we deserve. We deserve the right to be happy although in the beginning we’re so eager placing our happiness in the hands of another who may be unable to carry the weight of responsibility behind it. Later understanding that happiness is self deserved never rewarded. We deserve the right to feel free, yet free somehow never feels adequate when we as a people are scolded for voicing our opinions and concerns on the issues constantly keeping us all segregated as a whole. Most importantly we deserve to feel important because we are through the eyes of the ones who’ve always believed in us.

Deserve belongs to us because we’re well deserved.

– C.A. Thomas

Relapse

So easy placing forth coming results of a pattern in the hands of someone you admire. To rid yourself of habits for the approval of praise. Dedicating every attempt in hopes of a promising change, only reminded of what caused the addiction. Desperation eagerly latching onto false hope in the form of a dream already sold. The admiration behind this is never giving in to the possibility of failure. Believing in self in reasoning to adhere and commit to one’s determination. Realizing that depending on self it is you and only you who compels to life’s struggle through triumph. We’re much stronger than we credit ourselves, more courageous than we’ve ever been….. realizing that a relapse doesn’t define who we are, but the will in trying solidifies that we never gave up.

– C.A. Thomas

And The Award Goes To…

I’ve always felt women are never recognized enough…… I dedicate this award to you.

Love for a reason, making love for every reason. Your kisses solidifies the very trust capable of uncovering hidden explanations within us men. Supporting with intent, adoring with such sentiment how could this woman go unnoticed? She hurts more than us, she endures pain stronger than trust still she forgives with open arms. Her legs closed, her heart unfolds the revelation of pregnancy. Months surpass, her uterus enlarging in preparation of demonstrating life itself. Water breaks, she pushes, she gasps with overwhelming virtue placed in the cup of her arms. Tiny eyes blinking, staring through the window of a woman who’s been through Heaven’s measures, emotions challenged thus smiling like it all occurred in a previous dream. No acting involved, no rehearsal needed, no directors capturing the moments of her on film. She’s her own category, her own contender, her own voice.

It is with great honor and privilege to announce the winner for displaying such consistency, such compassion filled with grace in every step she’s taken.

Ladies and Gentlemen…. *opens envelope*

“And the award goes to…..”

– C.A. Thomas

“MW”

For Monique,

Nothing is more beautiful than a beginning unfolding before our very eyes. Somehow your beginning has reluctantly brought you to a place where many eyes can view a captured essence beyond imagination. Your journey orchestrated many tests only illustrating perseverance among strength and the unmeasurable faith you’ve always harbored. A smile igniting a small room bright enough to view such an amazing accomplishment you’ve achieved. You’re the inspiration encouraging others to exemplify their dreams, excelling beyond the unlimited opportunities they’ve yet to grasp. Dreams are possible to achieve….. you’re the epitome of our reality.

Thank you for that.

– C.A. Thomas

Teach Me The Ways Of You.

To understand you requires time I must set aside. Placing you at the focus of my  hunger I’m eager to devour, the relentless nights I’m overthinking of conditioning your love with saturated tenderness lingering beneath my toughness. Teach me the ways of you, the truth in loving you, strengthening my purpose and needing you more than self. Teach me the ways of your laughter, producing tears of happiness I’ve held for so long in fear of releasing. Teach me the ways of loving you, earning every incentive of kissing you honestly, memorizing the details making up the incredible I see within you.

Teach me…… I want that A+

– C.A. Thomas

Never Believed In Goodbye

Goodbyes are what I say if I’m no longer in the presence of who stands before me. A goodbye I establish with a shoulder overthrown as steps trail away from a reason no longer worth losing sleep over. I say goodbye for reasons even I may not interpret or understand at the time of an already made decision. As time and maturity have consumed me goodbyes have now become the normal, having faith in realizing the importance of life continuing to move as I should always practice. Once upon a time I never believed in goodbye…….. that upon a time was once ago I did not fully understand.

I understand now.

– C.A. Thomas

Entertain (No Longer Fun)

Entertaining starts out fun in the beginning. Ideas rise, excitement brings forth opportunities leading possibly to amazing scenarios and situations. Long conversations, unlimited texts, discovering new thoughts of hesitant action slowly unfolding in the midst of entertaining another. Soon the entertaining becomes a likable trait, hopeful in asking the once playful thought which occurs numerously out on a date to see if that spark of interest will continue….. it doesn’t. The ambition to entertain now lacks the courage to no longer pursue the drive once controlling the feeling of emotion. Entertaining used to be fun…… just not for me anymore.

– C.A. Thomas

What Is It?

What is it about us that separates our genius, our brilliance from the rest of the world? What is it that causes us to write such things that exemplifies a portion of our feelings, a near perfect description gliding the corners of a blank sheet? Is it love that enables us to reach higher platforms of trying, excelling beyond the dream filled with certainty? Is it inspiration that focuses our heart to inspire others in becoming the best version of themselves to witness? Or maybe we’re all of these questions filled with all the love we never knew were already there.

Remember to ask yourself this question when you feel alone in this world….. “What is it?”………. You’re it.

– C.A. Thomas

Marriage

Forever, is it truly long as the anticipation grows of waking up next to you? The exchanging of vows and rings for a gentle reminder of what we’re promising each other? Are we truly promising to uplift one another for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer as long as we both shall “live”? Or are these very words sounding so gentle, so nurturing expressed in awing an audience to commemorate this very day through many aspects of memoirs to surface? A commitment, a responsibility, a promise or an oath possibly we could interpret. Spending our lives together, learning one another, understanding each other is all I ever could fathom…… no matter how marriage is defined, we define us.

– C.A. Thomas

Outer Shell (Opinions Of Others)

If I could step out of my own skin I would carefully observe the very details of myself. Beginning with the way I walk, such a pigeon I stumble over the simplest uneven areas that even an architect overlooks. My grammar follows, pronouncing the finest words to ever grace the pages of a dictionary in fine print. To speak with such intelligence, with character and diligence leaving it impossible for anyone forgetting my presence. Physical attributes are shifting, eye sight becoming more blurred as the weight of my 5’10 balance  adjusting in the 200s. Instructing myself on eating healthier, exercising regularly may not necessarily promote a longer youth although challenging myself in hopes of beating an odd’s end could rectify such an endless opinion. The opinions of others could easily dictate our very own eyesight. Producing a more clearer perception of the person we could deny without observing the magnifying glass. We’re the outer shell constantly worrying about the opinions of others…. when the opinions may never lead to a justifiable perspective.

– C.A. Thomas

Self Doubt

You’re worth a hello, a good morning text, a hug squeezable for the difference you make in another’s world. You’re worth a “thinking of you”, an “I miss you” response because of the influence of enjoyment you have on people. Easily defeating yourself with much doubt, robbing your desires of feeling beautiful in the eyes of the person who deserves every detail of you. How you make others feel is only a glimpse of how amazing you truly are….. you’re the one who’s too good for anyone yet you love with such humility and deserve the very best someone should be eager to deliver. Self doubt is a mirror, only you can modify the errors needed to present the reflection of how people view you.

– C.A. Thomas

Surrounded Lessons

Lessons walk upon us daily. We lose more than winning, we cry more than smiling while projecting unknown anger amongst the ones who rely on us for guidance. Although at times we feel we’ve solved the answers life somehow reminds us that we’re only a lesson in hopes of teaching another.  Our struggles and troubles could easily become the music to another’s listening, hoping the tunes will elaborate a much suitable lesson.  Even as we mature the lessons are repeated this time generating from a much younger audience. “Surrounded Lessons”, exactly what we’re destined to be….. although mistakes are made we ourselves are never the mistake, only the lessons we surround the very people who need it more than ourselves.

– C.A. Thomas

2018

Each year teaches me something, brings me something, have brought me tears in the midst of anger and confusion in the balance. Change has arrived earlier than expect, the change has triggered my way of thinking on how people and situations should be approached more so minus the anger. Calmness I have chosen to inherit, establishing such a tranquil of peace that harbors my mind as it casts beautifully across the ocean. 2018 is a year of resetting the mishaps, the failures, the misunderstandings in hopes of achieving the results anticipated. 2018 may be a number, for it is the experience that should progress change within us all.

– C.A. Thomas

Contagious Smile

Nothing more contagious than a woman’s smile. The honesty, her thoughtfulness, the effort she puts in delivering an incredible view of total enriching substance. Her smile weakens my words, increasing each heartbeat I feel with a few skips of excitement between flutters of uncontrolled anticipation. A smile I wanna kiss, a smile I desire in touching with each glance paused within each blink of a rehearsed scene over and over. I love your smile for it is a part of you….. I wanna know every tiny detail of you simply because….. I love you.

– C.A. Thomas

All You Could Do

For Celeste,

A compassionate, driven individual you are. Caring for others before your very self is never an easy task yet you make it so warming and heartfelt in the presence of others. Although you give your best in fulfilling this duty, your best is all the requirement needed in making “comfortable” the most incredible journey in excelling. Times and situations will test your emotions, sometimes questioning the very idea of the path you’ve chosen to pursue. Remember these words….. you’ve done “all you could do” and because of you there’s not a single person who could ever deny you of it.

– C.A. Thomas

Routine

My day begins at 3am. Light switch on, cellphone playing the tunes that identifies my morning mood. Toilet water flushing, shower head washing away last night’s relaxation. Towel dries my restoration, patterned boxers securing the jewels of my fruition with a buttoned up freshly ironed. Axe deodorant glides beneath my pits, lotion blends through my skin with a Hanes T-shirt covering my chest. Slacks are on, buttoned up comfortably secured with a necktie resembling the fading of a shirt I’ve worn many mornings. Crocs are on, teeth are thoroughly flossed, brushed and rinsed with a keypad quickly awaiting my departure. Code is set, alarm chimes, door opens then closes…… this is my life….. the opening routine of day.

– C.A. Thomas

Chapter 17

At times I catch myself struggling in closing a chapter. So hesitant leaving the bookmark of hope partially tucked away as if I’m waiting for a much promising outcome or conclusion. For 17 years this very answer stared me in the eyes, the answer was even more blatant once I realized no matter how many times you watch a film, the ending remains the same although the point of view changes. The hardest chapter of my life is now officially closed….. what happens now?

Stay tuned

– C.A. Thomas

The Best Way We Know How.

Inspired by a dear friend

People project themselves the best way they know how. Loving the best way they know how, distancing themselves from us the best way they know how yet we never observe the uncertainty of their actions. It’s easy harboring unnecessary anger and confusion when the answer to our very questions lie before our eyes. We deal with life the best way we know how, display our emotions the best way we know how till our heart no longer beats the way it should. We take breaths the best way we know how, live the only way we know how till time slows us all down the way it’s intended to be. We smile the best way, frown the worst way with laughing as a means to escape momentarily. If we’re ever held accountable for anything….. it’s simply experiencing life the best way we know how.

– C.A. Thomas

From Here On Out.

From here on out things will change. Is it the kinda change in hopes of promoting such positivity that lures others within my grasp? Alluring words filled with captivity within my presence intrigued by a healing smile that’s eager to set free. I only desire in becoming the best I can truly become, which I find difficult at times but yet have I not given up on this quest. From here on out I can only expect such results within myself that I hold accountable, never blaming anyone’s words nor actions but indeed thanking them in the teachings of growth, maturity and humility. From here on out things will be different, my life shall be different….. and only I can bring out this complete change…. from here on out.

– C.A. Thomas

I’m ready

I’m ready for many things, many situations to occur when least expected. I’m ready for life as it breathes deeply within me. I’m ready for love, already sewn beneath my flesh. I’m ready to express the very feelings responsible for the man I’ve grown to outfit, suiting every detail of character I’ve established in the distinction of time. Responsibility inherited the words “I’m ready” every opportunity my feet touches the floor beside my bed, motivation working its way through the course of my body. I’m ready to live, as existence overran my mind for some time. I’ve always been ready, not because of this…… are you ready?

– C.A. Thomas

Bearded Journey

I once hid my emotions behind a beard, covering every inch of my expression where no one could guess my feelings. Inches became length of wild, untamable hair fighting its way into my life. My lips soon devoured in the very hair I grew because of no longer caring in my appearance. The scene of sulking and depression left me helpless in the midst of refusal in crying for help. In that moment I felt as if Wyatt Earp and I shared identical dreading of losing ourselves. Darkness covered my thoughts, my mind suffering seizure type relapses with everyone’s voice around me slowly tuning out. My beard signifies strength, accepting hurt and pain as a reminder to become even stronger in my journey. No blade shall ever touch this face, not now nor ever. My beard defines me……. I am strength.

– C.A. Thomas

Life Afterwards

I wonder what’s beyond the doors of where I report? The smell of freedom looming in the air as my day comes to a close. A place I have no desire in retiring, no place of closing my eyes one final time. These walls have consumed familiarity, the people have outgrown the laughs, the building grows smaller through every turn of each corner. I think it’s time I look beyond the exit for more of what’s in store for me. There’s always more for the eye of the seeker…… but only the seeker must have faith in believing there’s more than what the eye can truly see.

My time is now.

– C.A. Thomas

Personal Description

Thirty four years on this earth and I’m changing. More cautious if not hesitant in who I open up to. My heart and feelings are all I have to relinquish and as freely as I’m prepared to do so I realize the importance of honesty in the handling of something valuable and priceless to me. Let’s get personal for a moment. Hurt is familiar as the air we breathe, toxic as the energy fed on us from unhappiness laced with hatred. Exposed to wrong doings, misunderstandings as it translates to wanting the inevitable damn near impossible brink of the “ever after” we all deserve. Accepting the realization of truth…. living the lesson of experience versus interpreting theories based on other’s choices, which we should not pursue.

This is my personal description… define yours.

– C.A. Thomas

36 Septembers

For Ty,

Growth and wisdom covers you, eternally as the blanket of beauty surrounds you. September 18th is no ordinary day but indeed a significant one, revealing a treasure that shines far beyond the sight of eyes. Thirty six years, this very blessing in the form of a smile attached to such a caring yet amazing instrument of a woman. As I light this candle, celebrating God’s carefully written music entitled “September 18, 1981″…… I’m forever grateful in knowing such beautifully, talented and captivation of a masterpiece.

*Blows out candle*

Happy Birthday Ty

Always,

– C.A. Thomas

Nina

Never understood the true definition of friendship till I met you. As kids our paths were on different courses, this beautiful young girl who blossomed into such a brilliant woman has survived many obstacles throughout her life and remains to smile through it all. The postcards, the texts, the laughs, the have a great day gestures are the reminder of what love truly is and how it should be demonstrated. Sometimes I feel as if I don’t deserve your friendship, your kindness, your genuineness yet you think of me enough in saving me. As I’m sitting here writing this I want you to know….. how special you are to me. The world could use more people like you….. I’m grateful in knowing you.

– C.A. Thomas

Text

Keeping my phone close by, like a natural high of you soothing my intentions with a long sound of honest reverberation. Flipping over my phone, testing the sound of a notification hoping it’ll be you. Phone lights up, sound echoes, mattress vibrating every feeling of you coming through. I slide, unlock, glimpsing the message I’d hope in receiving from you but it isn’t. Expectation lowers, heartbeat slows, adrenaline leaves my body in despairing hope as the tide washes away every detail of excitement I once harbored. Fantasy fades, reality blends with life as the final mixture of plain eviscerating taste buds making it difficult in describing what’s real. No point in replying to a message that needs no resuscitation. Let the words of a gentle let down encourage strength to awaken within me…… reminding me I’m someone’s reason to smile through text sent from yours truly.

Sending……

– C.A. Thomas

Disappointment (Perception’s Reality)

Has disappointment become apart of the normal? Do we as beings rely on this train of thought in hopes of defending our very own feelings, depriving our happiness? It’s crazy how our expectations of others could be so low, less hopeful, quick in pointing out flaws that narrates the characters we’re known to portray. Giving up on one another becomes easier to accomplish than realizing the power of influence we could have on one another. It doesn’t take a genius to identify this nightmare of disappointment but relying on it only creates harder in convincing. Only we can disappoint ourselves, not the individuals we easily rely on for assistance.

– C.A. Thomas

Passionate (My Everything)

Let my actions be as passionate as my words for her. My sheltered love she'll one day unfold, discovering how much I've anticipated in giving her. My burning passion igniting the realm of my heart, triggering the ability of expressional spontaneity she never saw coming. She appears in my thoughts as sleep calms me, wondering the very thing that makes getting to know her so thrilling yet peaceful. She's earned the privilege in occupying my time, her smile consumes my mind and her lips I desire in touching mine. She'll become my passion, my work of art, my presentation…… my everything.

– C.A. Thomas

Lonely

It’s amazing how we all can empathize the same feelings yet project them differently. Displaying a cry for affection and love with millions of people as if we’re all drawing the same lottery pick. Lonely does create darker moments, more reflection of self for a special someone we’re hoping who’ll awaken us from a weary dream. Although lonely strengthens you at times it does weaken possibilities with desperation, leaving yourself vulnerable to the slightest indication of dishonest attention. If lonely taught me anything the lesson was this…… this too shall pass.

– C.A. Thomas

Passport

Wanna find my way to you. Live our lives as if tomorrow was never due, holding you in my arms as if love felt so true. Across the world we'll travel, landing on the destination our lips would forever speak of. Filling our memoirs with polished memories we'd recount on a tasteless night filled with our energy. Am
I wrong for thinking such things? For wanting to embrace the very being that makes up the genetic makeup of a woman I'm yearning to kiss, craving to passion with every inch connected to my name. I want you to the point of needing every part of you in my life….. just you.

– C.A. Thomas

Different Language

Let your lips become the reason I learn a new language. Place those lips in front me, enhancing a perfect view of enrichment. Place your lips against mine, moisture dripping of you speaks to me. Pronounce those words, follow my tongue as I repeat every word, every sentence as it seduces my appetite. Turn around, bend over so those lips can slowly spread for me, giving me every reason to master this new language. The warmth of this education has enthralled my learning ability. I'm gonna ace this exam, kissing your lips till dryness no longer becomes relevant.

*licks lips*

– C.A. Thomas

The Other Piece (My Heart)

Somewhere there's a piece of my heart beating for me. A vessel lying in the temple of a goddess made for the loving of a king. I envision her tastefulness to the full capacity of detail, sweetness of gentle pleasure she'd release in the responsibility of my care. The thought of this queen serenading my conscious leaves me beyond speechless, mesmerized past comprehensive enacting. God I cannot wait to taste this, inhaling the scent of a craving I'd wish to feel, the gentleness of an astonishing experience bound in the very hope I've nourished for so long. There's a piece of me out there……. the other piece.

– C.A. Thomas

Wasted Years

Years fly, like seconds lost in the blink of an eye. Where has time traveled? I used to criticize my life for the time I've wasted over the years then it occurred to me… time was never wasted. At this moment, how I'm feeling right now I haven't wasted anything. Hurt, agony, tear shedding and anger were the very clouds surrounding me over the years. I've always carried this darkness of an attitude I tried so hard in disclosing but the good inside of me promoted more laughter for the enjoyment of anyone willing to listen. No such thing as wasted years if you're learning something. As a bonus, I now have you guys (audience). Believe it or not, you're teaching me a lot about myself and I'm very grateful and privileged for this.

– C.A. Thomas

Starting Over

Removing pictures off a wall scattered in hammered nails. Fresh paint covering memories, removing triggering flashbacks as I now detail a new insight of home. The sleepless nights have gotten better, the echoes of a familiar voice are now gone, all I hear is peace in the distance. Starting over is a new kind of different, a new kind of idea I once was hesitant in fulfilling. My heart wishes to create new memories, the hopeful memories including a wife and children with a tiny little dog that keeps us all going. With a new toolbox already purchased, tools to begin my new found journey I'm almost ready to begin.

Thank you all for accompanying me on this journey called "Life".

– C.A. Thomas

Personality (For The Ladies)

Ladies,

Your personality speaks volumes. It rings in our ears the melody of sweet tunes our thoughts process vividly after the introduction. Looks are only a preview of the presentation presented in the format of a personality humbly receiving the standing ovation. Never let anyone bring you out of your element of charisma, it's the chance you're willing to give us that enhances our maturity beyond meaning. It is you who allow us to become the better version of ourselves, projecting the best we'll ever become because of your love, your grace and devotion to our well being. "I love you" will never be enough in showing the gratitude you deserve…. because there's no us without you.

Take Off

Preparing to board my first flight. Staring below the clouds, headphones on low with blue surrounding my entire being. I wish I could've experienced this many years before but opportunity couldn't have picked a better moment in teaching me what the world has to reveal. Flight takes off in t-minus 57 minutes and counting. This is the first of many adventures to follow….. stay tuned.

– C.A. Thomas

Strength

As a child I remember wanting to become the strongest kid in the world. I'd stand behind parked vehicles, lifting as if Superman were training me to develop the strength of a hero. Reality explained that strength comes from within, believing in you as doubt surrounds your subconscious. Mental strength is what makes a person, defying the odds by overcoming obstacles changing rapidly. Strength is what you taste, breathe, at times you even dream of strength adopting your mind as it guides you through many trials of tests. These words you're viewing are heavy……. all you need is the ability to focus, realizing the strength already lying within you.

– C.A. Thomas

Not Enough Words

Not enough words to explain how I feel, music turned up, windows rolled down as the air brushes my face. Bypassing hurt, exiting anger with the construction of self slowly working against unfinished time. Finding the words in description of my heart cannot be searched, GPS displaying out of range leaving the reliable compass of direction spinning. I wish my words could assist me on the journey of finding my way but sometimes….. there aren't enough words to clarify the emotions running through my mind, not enough words to pinpoint my own happiness or even the beginning of what I'm destined to finish.

– C.A. Thomas

Finding A Good Woman.

A good woman keeps her heart hidden. Easy to love yet cautious in sharing a piece of her with someone who’s intentions display mixed results. She’s ready to love an honest man willing to prove her theories incorrect from what she’s witnessed. Finding the good begins with a chance, taking a risk in hopes of happiness standing on the other side of curiosity. A good woman could produce the very magic a man could never anticipate, enriching the joy beyond his fear. It is the good in a woman that adds value to the missing piece of a man’s heart, thus enabling him to become better than he’s ever imagined.

– C.A. Thomas

Egg Shells

The things you say or do never meets the approval of someone's taste. Wondering if it was something you've said or done to end something you once believed hopeful and promising. Truth is, egg shells are not to be walked upon for the likes of anyone. A genuine individual will like and accept all that define you without any effort of change. Some people will find fault within you that may not even disturb your awareness, playing victim within a scenario that will totally leave you confused and full of questioning. The point is…….. the egg already fragile will crack eventually, don't be the one cautious enough to walk the shells.

– C.A. Thomas

Show Me Your Kinda Love.

I’m interested yet intrigued in discovering your kinda love. Teach me the ways of understanding you, appreciating the sound of your experience as it caresses my dreams of holding you. Tickle my thoughts with your signature of a kiss, serenade my soul with taste of eternal nectar gently embedded with your resemblance. Tease my heart with promising echoes of a voice awakening my comatose state, opening my eyes to truthful beauty in the eyes of a woman capable of loving this writer. Reveal to me all that I’m missing, demonstrate your secrets of genius, making this kinda love with you more than a worth while privilege. Can I embrace this experience with you, only you?

– C.A. Thomas

September 21st

On the night of September 20th she went into labor. Eighteen hours of pain subjected her opinions of motherhood at an earlier time. Deep breaths with a calculated precision timed a final push which brought forth a nine pound, five ounce and a half little boy who’s head covered in hair recorded approximately the morning of 1:28am. William, the name originally intended for this child till a voice spoke through stilled quietness….. “call him Christopher”, the grandmother of this child softly echoing. “Christopher Antonio Thomas” officially graced the page of a finalized birth certificate, imprinting new existence by the palm of his hands, the footprints of his feet. Is Christopher ready for the world…….. or is the world prepared for Christopher?

To be continued.

– C.A. Thomas

Reinvention Of Self

It's crazy yet silly the things we do to impress people who were never worth the initiative. Struggling to remain hopeful in the eyes of who haven't a clue on who they are or what their willing to stand for. Rejection causes reinvention of self, manipulating costumes in hopes of capturing an audience with a low attention span. The best and arguably the greatest reinvention of self is to be "yourself". People fall in love with "different" because it overrides normal, it challenges boring, delivering new insight on how we live and view life. You're the reason "different" makes the difference in someone's life……. never lose sight of this.

– C.A. Thomas

Simple Yet Confusing 

We clarify ourselves simple yet the world view us confusing. We may not share the same qualities, although our brand of taste in feelings are easily tampered by someone who’s dishonesty contaminates our innocence. Confusing now replacing the beauty of simple makes chances more questionable, disregarding simple easily as faith. Simple doesn’t have to be confusing, confusing shouldn’t require critical thinking although times have clearly established this. As simple as we are people will never understand us how we’d expect them to but….. simple does become routine by the very ones who are willing to learn us, and that’s simply loving us for who we are. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Katreese

For her,

Hesitation never exists when it comes to you. Although at times I’ve wondered how you truly are when the curtains close, the lights dim and the cheering of friends and family echoes to a silence of meditation. For years I’ve been in awe of you, the tiny voice I’ve mimicked, the high pitched laugh I remember so well with the removal of a mole many have forgotten. Frequent trips to feel your honesty’s embrace, the way your presence brought forth many strangers who admired a smile from afar. Why am I writing this? As a reminder of how special you are, how easy for others to adore the idea of loving the amazing woman you’ve become. The kinda love easily depicted through reminisce. Special remaining the understatement when it comes to you…. you’re the beautiful genius filled with such life and magic that’ll never be overlooked nor forgotten, ever.

Always,

C.A. Thomas

Intensity’s Taste 

Take off your clothes, bear your marks of hidden secrets, let my lips trail decades of uncovered beauty. Allow your promises to linger around my tongue, feeling the presence of you as my breath reaches the corners of a body bearing your soul. I have yet to taste your love, embracing warmth covered in sweetness wealth dripping all over my exposed tongue. Bury my face in your honesty, squeeze my life with romantic pressure, release all you have to deliver…… as I swallow the foundation of a woman who’s captured my heart in the shift of an unforgettable taste. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Soulmate

My description of a soulmate…. when I know something is wrong, a slight premonition guiding my fingertips to a cellphone that calls you. Noticing a distinct tone in your voice, easily detected through my compassion driven by you. Using words of comfort in delivering you through trials you’ve managed to overcome. Loving you beyond sexual comprehension, the thought of you ignites the goodness I’ve hidden for so long, with a photo of you displayed on that very cellphone I’m priveleged to view. Do you think of me as much as I ponder on you? Somehow I believe so, describing what I feel without indicating if it’s real. As you’re sleeping yesterday’s experience I’ll remain where I’ve always resided…. viewing a cellphone hoping I’d see that smile I couldn’t imagine living without……. a soulmate I’m honored to voice. 

– C.A. Thomas  

Writing My Way To You

These words will find you before I do. Before I begin allow these words to resonate within your soul…. here goes… my feelings are as transparent as the air you breathe. Clearly seen but refusing to believe my existence is but a dream. The frequent trips to a destination more exciting than a kept promise, the sight of you with Christmas in the rear view, leaving my adrenaline occupied with butterflies. Let these words find you, explaining the very truth my tongue finds hesitance in revealing. There’s no amount of rehearsals nor mirrors to replicate my nervousness but understand this…… if you ever wondered if any of this is true, know that tomorrow is never the same or will it ever be without you. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Incomplete Smile 

Your smile is incomplete, a smile I desire to complete. An intoxicating smile I knew never left, always there kept hidden underneath. Will my sense of comedy arise a beautiful laughter, my compassion hence forth a glimpse of forever with you? No smile is worth fogetting like yours, embedded in my actions easily demonstrated in reviving without a thought of dissipating. An honest smile will be the smile I’ve earned, establishing enough overtime in loving you harder than ever before. I’m incomplete without you… because your smile allows all dreams to come true. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Honesty (The Closest)

Honesty, the closest to love that grants us the idea of changing another’s perception of us. The anticipation of admiring another’s triumph only tumbling in comparison towards our very own struggle.  We live to prevent yesterday’s errors, more vulnerable to the unknown of what our lips easily speak, our conscious manipulating the very actions our physical bears through reminder. Truth be told honesty places fear upon us all, losing self definition placed on a platform entitled “expectations”. Honesty hurts as much as love but understanding the difference examines the closest of what life is truly about…… honesty.

– C.A. Thomas 

Penetration 

Penetration doesn’t entirely require the physical aspect. Trigger another’s way of thinking, wordplay honesty in justification, marinate thoughts in pure substance. Become the reason a smile is curved, exposing a shining others are incapable of achieving. Stimulate hidden agendas, pacify the possession of safety and protection in hopes of lowering a wall built in disappointment. Penetrate the hardened cement, surrounding the individual who awaits the receiving of nurturing beyond nightmarish doubts. Love the mind as if it were your very own because…… it is yours.

– C.A. Thomas 

Pattern Of A Sweater

Individually we start out as a dull color, slowly fading of washed predictions. All it takes for a pattern to occur is a new color that beautifully blends with our original setting. Two colors forming a pattern, crossing lines with initial purpose of manipulating a comfort zone in hopes of achieving miraculous designing leading to happiness forthcomings. Anyone can wear a sweater, not everyone fits the design of different unless their willing to try for that someone worth adjusting. We all look good in sweaters but together stunning would penetrate our view of each other….. let’s fit together as great we look. 

That’s my pattern of a sweater.

– C.A. Thomas  

GOD’s Paintbrush 

Beautiful rectifies you, covering the wings of an angel destined to fly. The stroke of God’s Paintbrush illuminates the truer essence of stunning captivation, capturing a breathtaking moment surrounding the magic of an unforgettable memoir. Paint as blessings showering the emptiness of an unfinished canvas, giving eyes the new meaning of vision, sweet texture pacifying fingertips with smoothness covered in layers. God’s Paintbrush polishes beautiful beyond sight, not only feeling its presence…. but witnessing a victorious triumph.
– C.A. Thomas 

Betrayal

Betrayal, a kiss carrying no meaning, a hug not as trustworthy as the previous. Words no longer distinguishing value as promises drown in expectations of disappointment. Betrayal compared to ice, cold as the premeditation of gentle water forming a cube of ice, hardened in damaging what it touches. The closeness of bondage tampered with elements of suspensional beliefs, triggering curiosity as it paralyzes any hope of good resurrected.  People are capable of change….. betrayal is never forgotten like a dream that’s easy to interpret. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Stipulation

How could I decorate anything if I’m not entitled to ownership? How can I bring anything to life if my signature means absolutely nothing? I’m beyond prepared in altering the presence of change in a beautiful setup, manipulating every detail to my satisfactory. Ownership means everything to me, establishing a legacy for the footprints of my children’s children to follow in the midst of my absence. Stipulation are the strings holding me in place, the reality hindering me of achieving a long dream I’m hoping to awaken. This is one of those times prayer is needed in anticipating my next possible move….. because at this moment, I’m standing still. 

– C.A. Thomas 

The Best Of Me

There’s a piece of me I’m saving for you. The best of me I’m leaving for you, the joyous moment of a dream coming true. Confusion overshadowing a time of grief, leaving me all alone feeling incomplete, finally realizing alone prepares me for the presence of you. Time demonstrates the privilege of my presence, understanding the honesty of my worth tripled by a woman who’s touch instills the maturity within my growth. When our path of destiny collide she’ll inherit the best of me, the rest of me as our love shall ever intend to be. She deserves that part of me.

Till the day I exhale my last breath. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Late Nights, Drunken Thoughts 

Confinement in my house glues me to a lazy boy chair, drinking my thoughts of questioning to a morning awakening of headaches. Putting my mind in neutral as my body entices itself in cleaning away memories expired beyond taste, smelling of dust with life taken away. I’m slowly gaining a piece of myself removing memories of a hurtful goodbye, adding character within each touch I practice. The sun continues to shine so shall I, embarking on a journey of understanding one day at a time. Moving on my accord, setting my own pace, living my life that’s already written for me.

– C.A Thomas 

Love In Translation

The closest to love I could easily translate would be you. My feeling for you demonstrates endless possibilities of spontaneity beyond action. Loving you as the privilege sworn I’d vow to live by, accepting your worst as the reality of understanding an angel’s limitations. Breathless moments of seeing you across the room, heartbeats skipping patterns in hopes of longing your touch in squeezable doses. I’m not your everyday hero, not even a knight in shiny armor, I’m only a man who loves you more than myself. Sometimes I believe my life would only begin the second we fall in love, journeying on a quest that only we’d embark. She may never read this…… She may never know….. I still love her till this day. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Empty

Sometimes I feel empty, emptiness like a house with no furniture. Staring in a large room where life no longer exists but my very own. Memories I try holding onto slip away as my tears blur the vision of remembrance. It becomes difficult each day gaining an inch of happiness, wondering why you left me so soon? Anger would only diminish my conscious of good I have because of you, yet I question your illness in hopes of God granting you a second chance of life. You loved me at the highest platform of my existence, in return reciprocity became the shower of kisses I drowned you in every chance I took. I can smell the essence of you that made it harder in keeping me away, piecing together an obituary and photo collage that resembles my thoughts of you. Now I realize glancing at a program harboring your smile is much harder to view, a death date solidifying every hope and wish of you returning falsified like an opportunity never circling again. I’m gonna pray my emptiness dissolve, replacing it with love as the concrete my heart shall express in memory of you.

I love you grandma.

Always,

– C.A. Thomas

Reconstruction (One Piece At A Time)

I took a few days to recollect my thoughts. Alone has occupied my personal space as I piece my life together. A loss I took became the blessful gain of inheritance that changed my life completely. Noise lowered to silence, routine of performance getting better by the minute while understanding myself becomes more recognizable within a tremendous time span. Perfection is of no point in reaching in my world, although achieving success remains the star I aim to reach. I’m totally under reconstruction, piecing it all together in preparation of something beautiful in the end. 

Stay tuned.

– C.A. Thomas 

Pain On Ice 

I’ve been feeling a bit cold lately. Ceiling fan twirling at the highest capacity in a room filled with emptiness. Alarm clock ringing in my ear as a reminder of routine already set in motion, disciplining myself to keep moving forward. The pain occurs the second I glance at her obituary, keeping my thoughts together before entering the world in hopes of hiding my feelings. People display comfort through similar scenarios of loss but even I cannot display emotional sympathy at the moment. I’m finding difficulty accepting the reality of my grandmother’s fate, questioning an angel’s absence who fought so hard to remain below the clouds…… God I miss her, this I understand. I cannot allow hatred to filter my emotional state, instead I should be grateful that suffering shall one day reunite with peace. 

For now my pain shall remain on ice. 

– C.A. Thomas 

May 24th 

On the early morning of Wednesday, May 24th I saw her lying there. Helpless covered her as the echoing of air leaving her body so suddenly. I slowly approach her, leaning over placing a gentle kiss on the frontal lobe of my grandmother, leaning in further whispering in her ear “I love you grandma”. The nurse enters the room, initializing the time of passing as my family and I say our final peace. Proceedings occurring too quickly, never enough time in processing loss, crying without reasoning as it orchestrates sleepless nights. Help me find the words in healing, help me understand the cure to grievance, awaken me from a dream I have to relive for the rest of my life.

Please get me through this….

– C.A. Thomas 

Change Of Address

Home is where I feel at peace, feeling safe with laughter bouncing from wall to wall in a room where nothing matters. Seconds pass, minutes calculated of fun overtaken with joyous memories. Sadness draws in, rethinking wrong turns and regretful choices, witnessing pain as it takes its toll on the very being who embodies love beyond imagination. Tears no longer controlled, anger birthing questions due to lack of understanding till the day “change of address” occurs. No form needed, no explanation necessary for the homegoing solidifying pain at rest. My home is with you, where the fun times are forever compensated with happiness.

This is my “Change Of Address”

– C.A. Thomas 

What Happens Now???

My grandmother now laid to rest, pondering thoughts surround me. What happens now? Does the darkened clouds lighten for a sun to beam through? Does the wind blow strong enough for a sail to carry a tiny boat to the distant sea? Even I cannot answer these trivial riddles. The environment I now reside in feels different, a more peaceful setting but a presence missed entirely. A missed aroma I’ll never smell again for as long as I live on this earth. I’m feeling a bit empty right now but I’ll be fine. I have more than enough projects to occupy my time sparingly, enough to think of you along the way. I only desire in making you proud of me. 

Rest on as I continue earning my place in this world. 

– C.A. Thomas

Love You That Much

Never realized how much I love you. I could never grow tired of kissing someone that much, missing someone that much, losing someone that much….. but it happened. From witnessing the best and worst of you pain has taken you, leaving you covered in grief with tears for replacement. I never knew love till I met you, had no clue on how to love till you taught me, demonstrating love enabled you to refocus my thinking. Till the end of your final days…… I never realized till now that I love you that much.

– C.A. Thomas 

For Her 

You took my breath away when I drove up and saw you next to me. Stepping out of my vehicle I brisk my way over to you, eagerly pulling your door handle as if I hadn’t seen you in years. It dawned how much I’ve missed you, seeing you, hearing a voice I’d easily identify. Words will never express the weight my heart carries for you, the way my mind shifts gears about you or the impact your importance has on my life. You’ll always be the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever took notice…….. always. 

Thank you for being there.

Always, 

– C.A. Thomas 

Laverne (A Grandson’s Tribute)

For grandma,

I’ll never forget you. My kisses planted all over your face as pain takes over a smile worth seeing. God has called you home but your memories are here through me, describing a woman of grace who’s love reaches further than stars. Thank you for birthing a son I acknowledge as father, a daughter who’s determination succeeds as a reminder of how strong you were. Your testimonial fight will serve as the bed time story I’ll one day express to my children, a hero who loved others more than herself. I’m gonna miss kissing you, embracing and seeing you. God needs you more than I do, a purposeful destiny prepared just for you. No more struggle, no more pain.

Love you grandma.

– C.A. Thomas

Grandma 1946 – 2017

Writer’s Block

Writer’s block cements my train of thought frequently. Typing words with backspace only a key away of dismissing. An idea igniting the awakening of something inspirational leaves me as if I never claimed ownership. I figured if I wrote about this maybe my words will project a better view of how I tackle this issue relentlessly. Understanding writing I try my very best in explanation although hesitation temporarily subdues a talent I have yet to acquire. Mind racing in preparation of something new I close the lid of a blank screen, cursor blinking as the lighting dims slowly. Writer’s Block may detour my emotions momentarily….. but I will not succumb to defeat.

– C.A. Thomas

Letter Carrying A Scent.

Writing letters to someone worthy of reading each line of sweet nothings I remember. Words scribbled above and below lines of demonstration outlined on a sheet of paper usually tossed away if disapproval dodges requirement. Rehearsal performed verbally, mentally and repeatedly till thoughts of honest intentions are proofread thoroughly. A kiss embedded on a letter, symbolizing a signature of promise with a special scent sprayed on the center of a polished masterpiece. Tucked inside of an envelope with a gentle moistening taste of expressional effort……. signed, sealed and delivered.

*Places envelope inside mailbox*

– C.A. Thomas

Save A Place In Heaven For Me.

The time is near, I can sense the upcoming celebration by the sound of your voice. Kisses implanted on the face of soft innocence, carrying small conversation with pieces of memories repeated over. Hold my hand, squeeze as I remind you a battle of pain is no longer your burden to carry. Such strength holding on as if the ending not yet written, weakness slowly overtaking a soul eager to release beyond clouds. I envision you preparing a meal the heavenly father himself would enjoy, praising such a remarkable gift producing three generations of sweet enrichment. When the time comes to reunite with the father, the son and the holy ghost I ask a small favor……. save a place in Heaven for me….. so I may kiss you once more. I’m truly gonna miss you.

I Love You Grandma

– C.A. Thomas

No Longer Of Convenience.

I can no longer be of convenience to you. Jumping at the sound of a text, running anxiously towards the ringing of a phone bearing your face, driving speedily towards a damsel in distress. Why entertain a fantasy if reality resembles nothing closely? Waiting patiently proved longer than a rising sun, yet I dodged opportunities in hopes of awakening from a comatose state. Demonstrating love was the easiest, remaining a friend seemed more difficult than I imagined. Releasing a grip I’ve held many years by far the toughest I’d ever achieve, only hurting myself through devaluing time and effort in the requirement of loving someone who refuses to share eyesight. Thank you for instilling confidence within me, allowing me to exercise every accountability of becoming the man worthy of a woman who not only appreciates, also obliged in receiving such tenderness with care as the additional bonus.

From this moment on I’m no longer of convenience to you.

– C.A. Thomas

The Perfect Love Letter

My Dearest Love,

There’s not enough oceans to reflect my love for you. Not enough shining of the moon to ignite a brightness within you. Stars establishing our time spent, written letters expressing timid honesty with each other. Words serving as the appetizer I intrigue, speechless the meal course I serve with a hint of devouring you for dessert. This love letter won’t ever surpass perfection, these sentences folded and tucked away inside of an old shoe box like memories rekindled in time of need. Perfect identifies with me spending time in your presence, neglecting time as it speeds away seconds I’d never regret in gaining. You deserve a letter worth writing, worth investing every emotion into, every word requiring multiple drafts till satisfaction publishes the unforgettable tear jerking smile….. promoting the desire of soaring beyond capabilities.

P.S. Don’t open this till I’m gone.

Always,

– C.A. Thomas

Released Frustration 

Release your frustration all over me baby. Leave scratches across my back, bite marks across my neck & chest. Pin me against the wall, rip off my t-shirt as your tongue replace my taste with yours. Shove your hands down my gray sweats, nothing underneath the way you’d fantasize grabbing all of me with both hands. Fully erect, bulging juices pouring between your fingers, throbbing as a heartbeat pumps blood between my knees. Let your awful day substitute my punishment, giving me all of you to your discretion. Discipline me, take control of this gear shift, drive me insane till your name is impossible to omit. Give it all to me…… every breath, every drop, every second…… I want it all baby…… I want you.

– C.A. Thomas 

Magic (My Description)

Put us together and observe the magic as it unfolds. Excitement substituting the butterflies our love has freed, mind blowing intimacy lubricating within each caress we express. Magic describes the vibrant exhuberation our soul gently moans to, intensifying beyond orgasm leaving our breath in such tremble. Delicacy smeared in affectionate the moment separation daydreams, appreciating opportunity in savoring new seconds than replacing irretrievable minutes…… producing the kinda magic Disney could never film. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Life’s Dealing 

Life puts you through more than you can chew. Sitting on a bed drowning in questions about situations delivering foreseeing events you have yet to manipulate. If only life were simple we’d have collective thoughts on solving one another’s intentions, comforting our habits with justifiable understanding. We try our best dealing in life without others hinting our transgression, concluding the aftermath of no desire in facing reality alone. Life strengthens us on its own terms, even incapacitating when we’d least anticipate. That’s life’s dealings…. making the best as we move along. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Cheating 

Why cheat yourself happiness? Why perform a life altering scene that penetrates the pinnacle of forgiveness? Alone is a cold dish serving of one, no warmth present for expressional needs in satisfying a hunger of emotional affirmation. No need in pursuing shorter gratification, losing more of what’s being clutched by an expeditious release of a premeditated notion shattered to pieces, scattered over self reluctance. A nightmare never leaving an option awakened, a conclusion never promoting a secured hypothesis, creating a monster who’s hesitant in pity.

Not worth the risk.

– C.A. Thomas 

Solace 

Comfort my thoughts, caress my mind with substance that oozes within your words. Train my intelligence, capture the spontaneity that’s hidden beneath my smile. Live in the moment beside me, romance the intrigue my body wishes to express, writing my rehearsal of pleasure covered in you completely. Squeeze my pride, tremble my ego as the partner who’s convincing never abandons me. Rinse my loneliness with such warmth, touching myself as if you never left my world. 

Finding solace in you I never knew.

– C.A. Thomas 

Effort Of Embrace

For Julia

A little effort travels further than a promise, borrowed time that could’ve easily traveled elsewhere. Words of encouragement without an ounce of judgement established a forthcoming smile remembered better than Christmas, shared with an embrace I could feel in a dream worth sleeping. Importance surrounds you daily, character established the second graduation fulfilled your shoes of achievement. Beautiful covers you, strength protects you with a pinch of sophistication keeping you above class. If a reminder is needed to occupy your questioning of purpose…. commemorate this effort of embrace, breathing hope into a being who’s very words were inspired in dedication to you.

Could you embrace me once more?

– C.A. Thomas

 

 

In Sickness & Health 

In sickness & health my place belongs to you. Nurturing every corner of you with a slight embrace of warmth devouring your illness. You’re my responsibility, my disposition, my achievement on getting us well. Your stumble entices my fall, gaining a sense of the ordeal you’re facing…. I’m right here. Refusal of continuing this journey stands, the point of a taken step I cannot without you. Sickness will produce every effort in attacking us, weakening our system of trust, draining our strength. Let’s heal each other through compassion, let’s rid ourselves of an ailment that has no position on our time….. Love is our health, sickness the reminder.

– C.A. Thomas 

Unapologetic Emotion

Sometimes there aren’t enough words to depict my emotions. Apologizing for who I am I used to emphasize on the account of another’s approval, now understanding I was completely in a disarray of accepting who I truly am without additional criticism.  People speculate theories of me as a gift, a talent beyond years of self discovery when I view myself as the tortoise who never finished the race. No longer will I apologize for being who I am, proudly crediting the character I’ve grown into through years of translation beyond regretful times. My emotions define my heart…… never feeling unapologetic. 

– C.A. Thomas 

No Hard Feelings 

Subjecting yourself to the mistreatment of another belittles your intelligence. Viewing yourself at a much lower stance of stripped self confidence through another’s opinionated benevolence. Surviving the chaotic events of hurt should awaken self doubt, replacing the urge of settling to a profound meaning of identifying a much valuable self worth. Never adjust your character or self for the pleasing of another, allow patience to become the friend that’s needed in the midst of confusion….. especially the uncertainty of an untouched person or situation that doesn’t sit well with curiosity. Exit this with only 3 words….. “No Hard Feelings”

– C.A. Thomas 

Mother’s Day

To every Mother near and far…..

One day never outweighs the carrying of a child, the birth of a life, the possible loss of creation entering the world. A mother’s compassion never outdated, never questioned yet her love demonstrates the communication only a child can interpret. If strength required a photo of the example mother would fit the idea, the genius of creating anything from nothing to ensure satisfaction to the child’s discretion. Mother is the music as children are the voice of uniting, harmony displaying a bond within a gift symbolizing nurture. Tears are never measured in devotion, though counted and multiplied through a child’s success…… because motherhood is the success to every child’s endeavor.

Happy Mother’s Day Ladies.

– C.A. Thomas

Confirmation (Uncovering Eyes To The Oblivious)

It’s funny we never pay attention to the answers revealing a truth we’re unprepared of intaking. So mesmerized with opportunity and fantasy life delivers a scenario of encounters with confirmation easily misinterpreted, better yet overlooked based on infatuation. Observance doesn’t hit home till oblivious is illustrated through obvious, carefully pondering the reasoning behind every scene of a script that’s easily misread. Be careful not to indulge in the blindness of the misinformed, although the heart leads it doesn’t always beat on another’s accord…… my confirmation to you.

– C.A. Thomas 

Fighting Demons 

Am I fighting myself in darkness? Such darkness without sound, without light, without a mind to express my heart? Am I battling intentional reasoning of expressing the goodness eager to set free within me? I’m fighting demons with emotions, I’m drowning demons in tears of sadness, functioning sanely to remain strong for the sake of my family. This is my battle alone, a testament only I could face, this is my opportunity to identify strength at such a low point in my life. Although I’m down, not defeated….. still breathing with living as my inspiration to defeat such a toxic feeling. Demons, you will not cheer in victory, you will not celebrate my despair nor will you interrupt my journey. You will not claim anything over me…. not now, not ever. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Dying Alone

You’re dying, standing there watching you knowing there’s nothing I can do to prevent this pain you’re feeling. I wish I could pray hard enough to remove the conviction of your suffering, receiving your puckered kisses distracts my sadness with a second of laughter…. not realizing your way of displaying such comical mischief through antagonizing defeat. Tears on the verge of filling my lids I restrain, seeing your teardrops fall as I carry you on to retire for the evening. Death is closing in, thinking I could surpass this seasonal sadness…. I was completely wrong. She’s holding on, she’s smiling, she’s frowning, she’s speaking to the familiar of the unknown, she’s asking questions……. I’m shocked yet afraid at this moment. Please don’t go, don’t leave me, not just yet. One more Thanksgiving of your exhilarating meals, one more Christmas of your homemade Red Velvet cake….. just one last time. :-(…………… I Love you grandma.

– C.A. Thomas 

Discussion With The Past 

My heart races each time I indulge in conversation with the past. My blood pressure boosts, my body trembles as my words are verbalized with a pinch of stutter. I can hardly concentrate on delivering a speech with forgiveness closing the curtain on a past I never fully embraced. I’ve apologized many times but are my words truly content on forgiving? Am I broken with possibility of repairing, or am I surviving a test I never took time in preparing? Maybe this is the beginning of my discussion with the past….. till then, continue reading. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Distance 

My life has its own meaning with its own understanding yet you defy my purpose with opinionated anger. You cannot indulge in my affairs if you were never there, never active in my upbringing, never there to represent a genius you’ve birthed. You have no idea of the suffering I’ve endured over the years, the anger my heart consumed for the damage you’ve built. Staring down the barrel of a gun I’ll never forgive you for, spitting on me I’ll never remember you for, scarring me I’ll never repeat….. yet I’m still here. Distance……. all for the best. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Till It Hurts

I grew up realizing how much it hurts, how loving someone till it hurts. Shrewd remarks of jealousy floating in an atmosphere of turmoil and misery, arguments exchanged as one depreciates the other through strategical senseless of unhappiness. Beginning as a companion following an abusive convience all in hopes of pleasing an illness that has no means of curing itself. Tears are expressed, feelings verbalized while afraid corners undetectable anger with any means of defending itself. Sex once meaningful now replaced with advantage, filling a void that runneth over little hope of reuniting. The final goodbye you stumble upon delivery, questioning if the situation could resolve an ending of careful consideration realizing it cannot. Till it hurts leaves you incapacitated…… because of you caring at some discretion.

– C.A. Thomas

Love & Happiness 

I dedicate this to a special friend…. she knows who she is.
Love & Happiness can be such a scary thing. In the beginning we love easily, praying to gain the equivalence of someone who’s more than willing to compel the extra mile for us. Understanding love begins at the root of discovering ourselves, absorbing purpose behind the character we’ve garnered for many years. The will to love inquires challenging a self-esteem, allowing confidence to strip away the doubt of establishing a memorable rapport. If love were simple we’d all graduate with honors but unfortunately life doesn’t operate on our time. Love is a need requiring lots of work with happiness as the self earned bonus…. of what it takes in loving someone.

– C.A. Thomas 

Growing Old Together

The rest of my life, with my wife, our children are a daydream I ruminate more than anything. From baby teeth falling to our children’s first recital I smile, walking leading to running as hallways echo the sound of my privilege. Late night First Lady deliberations to morning kisses I value, awakened by prancing and yelling of a purposeful meaning to parenthood. Years proceed, gray hairs taking up residence I’m reminded blatantly through mirrors. College degrees plastered throughout our home, grandchildren gesturing hide and seek through tiny giggles I can only imagine. These are only my thoughts… growing old with you, together.

– C.A. Thomas 

River Of Tears

For every tear that falls a memory is established. A memory forming into a river that streams a variety of emotion.  This river, so beautiful to paint on a canvas thirsty in touch, brushes a single stroke of honesty. If tears never fall could a river become so beautiful, could the structure of this flow seem so gentle? Maybe our tears define the true beauty our hearts keep hidden, or maybe our tears are the river that’s intended to fall gracefully as our experience streams in directions of the unknown. Somehow our river flows within reach of others, touching the lives of many because of our very own faults. Our river connects us, explaining the coldness of how we could be if hurt subsides the possibility of warmth we could harness. Hypothetically, we are the river, we are the stream, our feelings voice our emotions. We have our river of tears…… flowing together.

– C.A. Thomas

Never Enough Of You

I’ve thought about kissing you. Placing my lips all over you. Demonstrating my thoughts of never having enough of you as much as I wanna taste you, embrace you, savor you till my exhaustion repeats another round of meticulous activity. Never enough of you embeds itself within my heart, the importance of you won’t become hesitant in promising neither ignoring during inauspicious times. Till the day you uncover these thoughts…. I’ll leave behind my very words…. never enough of you. 

I need you.

– C.A. Thomas 

Tailor-Made

I’ve tried on numerous costumes, outfits, styles to impress my ego. No matter how much I struggled fitting into a disposition of false proclaim the mirror always projected a different scenario. It took staring down the barrel of a gun, a fractured jaw, an encounter with the police to convince my spirit I was better off on my own. The “Player Manipulative” reverberation devalued more friendships that quickly reversed friendly eyes on me into the statistical category everyone should curve. As much as I dreamed belonging reality foretold events that were delivered on a path meant for me. Learning myself took understanding, valuing and appreciation in growing into a suit tailor-made just for me. I wear it with pride, respect, diligence with all the confidence needed to face any giant….. my life fits me this way.

– C.A. Thomas 

If Heaven Were Only A Mile Away.

My uncle Clayton inspired me to write this.

If Heaven were only a mile away, I’ll make the trip twice a day. Escaping life momentarily surrounded by such peace and tranquility, love unconditionally airborne as it heightens every sense of my being. From afar within the mist I can detail a familiar face, voice soothingly brushing against the gentle wind reaching towards me. I observe carefully, a hand delicately extends, slightly guiding me through unimaginably breathtaking scenery of never ending creation. Without hesistance I make every attempt identifying this peaceful presence, smiling so gracefully I immediately entrust faith into this calmness encircling me. 

Why does this feel so real?……. am I dreaming this?

– C.A. Thomas 

Anger 

I’ve inherited anger from my father. Episodes of wrong doings I’ve witnessed over the years mixed with exasperation has pivoted a reach even I cannot obtain. When anger unleashes itself my vision transmit colors, confusion contorted as my strength multiplies vigorously. I’ve learned to cogitate deeply on matters I cannot contain, slowing a rapid heartbeat in prevention of insatiable adrenaline. Anger doesn’t subject my character to false pretenses, it only clarifies the emotions of my humanly instincts….. that I’ll never apologize for. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Life Support (Set Me Free)

If breathing surpasses difficulty in recessitating my mind pull the plug. Release me from mental imprisonment, save me the turmoil of suffering when I never asked to remain still. If you love me set me free, chortle the moments we’ve established with hardships a testimonial we’ve persevered. Breathe for me, become my lungs filled with love, exhale the compassion I’d extend if I were present. My absence may grow silent but that doesn’t exclude my presence forever. Set me free…. for my love never leaving as I breathe through you….. *Flatline……………..*

– C.A. Thomas 

Whisper (Our Secret)

Getting so close to you is all I need. Whispering our best kept secrets no one would ever perceive. Just you and me, intended as it should be with our eardrums massaged in smooth vibrating echoes of tenderness savored in enrichment. Revealing honest, confessional candor leaves my breath covered in mint apprehended from your lips, laughter blending as music beautifully written in our presence. Closeness overshadows us, consoling you with each word I’m honored in sharing, creating the inevitable for a journey I’m hoping to embark. Enlighten me with your whisper, exhale your gentleness over me, focus my tomorrow on your today so our togetherness becomes everyday. Let our happiness become our sweet nothings, our whispers exchanged for kisses and our secret foretold through our children’s children. The best part of it all…… tickling you with my whisper in places my tongue only affirms.

Can you keep our secret?

Suicide

I dedicate this to anyone who’s struggled with suicide….. you’re on this earth to fulfill a purpose. Live on, Love strong, Learn diligently.

You’re contagious, you’re a disease that shall no longer clasp itself on the cerebral of this very being. You’re no longer of importance in my life, purpose surrounds me as it thrives on the passion I now possess. Nightmares you’ve beleaguered me, alone as entrapment secluded my mind into a darker, deeper depth that swallowed an innocent conscious. No longer petrified of you am I, terrified would only raise hope I have no desire of inhabiting. I’m unimpeded of you, refraining in drowning sorrow as joy began swimming in my tears. My life requires more of my heart, my love, my strength and my struggles you’ll never contend. I’m here to remain, to fulfill my wishes……. vacancy no more, overnight stay no more, renting out no more……. this is my farewell to you suicide.

I’m free.

– C.A. Thomas

Risk 

Risk…. the adrenaline controlling a moment that defines your decision. Worth is only a feather landing on opportunity, a chance you’re willing to fabricate as the obstacle reveals testimomy beyond triumph or tragic. Afraid dawns on the unknown, the unwilling of testing limits easily shattered without practice. Risk deserves an advantage, pursue it as if your last breath is inhaled, heart racing till silence falls on the eyes of witnesses who reveals a story worth compelling. It is risk that defies the odds, the odds we’ll never grasp unless we’re willing to reach what others hinder….. to captivate a moment that makes impossible the impeccable. 

And remember…. no risk is greater if the pursuit isn’t worth it.

– C.A. Thomas 

Ab(use)

Last I recall love shouldn’t inflict physical pain. Love shouldn’t administer verbal corruption. Excuses will put on a show in hopes of earning a nomination for abuse…. and the award goes to…. the awful truth of extended chances in hopes of an unpromising tomorrow. There’s no room for abuse nor shall it inherit itself by the very being who practice the conscious of no remorse. Abuse, capable of confusion will smother you in apologies, showering you with decorable endowment till your guard of safety has fallen beneath forgiveness. Free yourself of abuse…. leave with no excuse.

– C.A. Thomas  

Reality’s Numbness

I once lived in a fantasy. A fantasy where falling in love was easy, commitment without hesistation were simple. The pleasantry of conversation leading up to love feeling veritable beyond words. I resided in this place for many years, hoping some magical, theatrical moment would occur…. reality it seems, vindicated a setting my heart could not condone. Reality it seems developed a taste I barely recognized, leaving behind questionable acts my mind could not excercise. Wasn’t long before my heart became immuned to this reality, imitating life’s discretions without displaying an ounce of emotion. I meditated on numbness for years, understanding reality’s numbness doesn’t define me but allows my character the choice of developing into a person with feeling. Numbness can regain feeling…… if the individual is willing to release.

– C.A. Thomas  

The Way She Holds My Pen. (Producing Ink)

The way she holds my pen I can barely write this. Such smooth tenderness her hand caressing the very tool filled with palatial ink, shining as she guides my crest on a page covered in illustrious garland. Her grip tightening, thoughts of me composing in tiny drips trailing the edge of her fingers yet the ink hasn’t darkened. She teases the tip with little tongue, producing a stronger flow of ineradicable talent as my veins prepare the arrival of derivative penmanship. The pen explodes, ink devouring every inch of her facial structure with my signature….. she teases her lips, samples her fingertips, leaving kisses all over our page. God she loves my ink pen.

May I write some more?…….. there’s plenty of ink left. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Sex (Responsible)

We talk about sex, portraying as if diseases never exist. So many people find comfort living in a world where pleasures are fulfilled without possibility of warranty. We never think of the tremors lying ahead of an action either thought out or beguiled. As a result misinformation or simply the desire of no longer displaying solicitude populates unhealthy mindsets…… based on lack of education and awareness. Responsibility is required of us all, mentally via physically it’s up to us for promoting a hopeful tomorrow not only for ourselves but our progeny as well. Each of us are capable of instilling the idea of “responsible” if we’re willing to endeavor. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Virginia Days (2011)

I miss Virginia sometimes. Surrounded by miles of oceans as dolphins are seen performing countless acts. Richmond, Newport News, Portsmouth, Hampton and Norfolk becoming my familiar areas. I can remember visiting “Oyster Point”, my place of thinking where ideas transformed such brilliance in every word I’ve written. Naval ships scattered throughout the sea, ODU within walking distance as the largest naval base in the world lies ahead. 2011 was the year this took place, the same year Jay Z & Kanye West’s “Watch The Throne” hit stores alongside Big Sean’s “Finally Famous.” The most memorable constituency are the midtown tunnels, channeling beneath the very surroundings of the ocean. Literally feeling the motor exhaustion enhanced the experience of travel beneath the waters too compelling. I miss the VA.

– C.A. Thomas 

Life

Being born was never asked, here we are. Choice of color, not an option yet we’re here. Language we speak taught so early, language changes as does attitude. Love we learn as hate substitutes hurt, retaliation in anger foreshadowed through tears. Friendship established by collaboration, problems become questions as are solved with experience. Time slows when its carefully observed, suddenly slips the moment its no longer in view, yet it passes without coming to a halt. Health we’re entitled, with no guarantee nor promise of a successful one….. ailments that bring forth illnesses and diseases or conditions that alters our plans…. still, here we are. Aging yearly as our bodies coauthor our journey, life narrating our script. Eyes close as we slumber, lids ajar to recapitulate in a process entitled “Life.”

Let’s make this life a memorable one.

– C.A. Thomas

Behind Closed Doors 

She’s cool and all in person but I wonder what she’s really about behind closed doors? I’m thinking she’ll push me on the bed, ripping off every inch of cotton as it reveals more of my caramel for her tasting. Maybe she’ll wear that sweet scented perfume my tongue devours as the vessel of my powerful meaning delivers the stroke of destruction. I love the way her shape is detailed, delicious toes I could suck on till her tremble begins opening such a breath taking view….. swallowing the very flavors of her genetics as her moan becomes my personal ringtone. I wonder if I could control her eye rolling? Keeping her focus as I write my name all through her….. in cursive, embedded deep within a wall glorified just for me. She needs to feel this, she needs to taste this, she needs to experience this….. behind closed doors.

No more curiosity…. just you and me baby.

– C.A. Thomas

Tears Of Memory 

Wish I could kiss you right now. No matter the smell of morning breath could hinder my taste of you. The warmth of you against me immensely entices my grasp of your absence like a pillow in search of its feathers. As I’m holding you within these thoughts I realize the importance you are, a tender love that reaches me beyond the depths of each memory, tears piercing my skin within each drop I can no longer contain. This is my memory of you, my tears of memory I shall wipe away, my life recycling itself as if I never tarnished. 

Thank you for the memories………..

– C.A. Thomas 

Hope Ignited 

Hope is much closer than I imagined. Hope is the closest I’ve ever felt to Christmas, the igniting of a happiness so bright I can barely keep hidden. My ideas are the hope I’ve held onto for quite some time. Had I known this hope saturates my emptiness with such tasteful meaning there’s no indication of where my life would’ve landed. The burning fire has ignited within me, this is my moment to keep hope ignited through words of prosperous, uplifting, genius, riveting……thought provoking detail. Hope is ignited as it burns within us.

– C.A. Thomas 

Potential (Believing In You)

You’ll lose sight of everything when the very people who believed in you turn their backs. Inspiration stays no longer than prohibited but somehow many people have yet to grasp this truth. The potential within never abandoned you, just hurts knowing it takes a nightmarish reality or cruel example to awaken this height of promised talent. The time is now to motivate your thoughts, exercise the ability to be the very something others will use in discussion for guidance and prosperity. We’re all here to witness the potential that lies beneath our smile, our capabilities exceeding far beyond the clouds that shines bright on the spectacles of life. Our very potential is what frees us from the people who attempt their best in containing our achievement. Potential defines you…… believe in you.

– C.A. Thomas

Hero (The Cycle Within Us)

Could our very past define us as Heroes? I often question myself this at times. A past I’ve come to terms in realizing I was never accountable for. My past could become someone’s impervious future. Our past could define us in many ways but the good within us distributes the cape others will tug in hopes of flying. Little do we know we’re all multitudes, flying on our own course of the things that makes sense of who we are…. I call this being a “Hero.” Refusal never adjusts with a hero, settling never agrees with a hero and most importantly a hero is never silenced. A hero needs no recognition through identification, similarities nor comparison to establish examples. Our children, our peers, our devotional well being justifies this amazing “cycle within us.” It is our struggles that keeps our soar above the clouds momentous, the compassion we practice leaving our mark of impression on the very eyes who never looked away.

We’re the heroes.

– C.A. Thomas

Writer’s Therapy

Writing consumes my thoughts. If I’m driving my mind creates a smile that gently guides my navigation. My fingers reaching for the very thing that produces each word my heart releases through my fingertips. For months I’ve held my own words captive, in fear of other’s opinions but now I’m setting my words free. My words define the very subject that’s allowed me to breathe sufficiently, my words are the very therapy that invites me to places I’ve yet to see, my mind shifting gears as others try their best in keeping up. My writer’s therapy understands me better than myself, months or maybe even years from now my reverting to this blueprint is a reminder…. my therapeutic gentleness stems from the only medicine that brings calmness to my cerebral flow…. This is my “Writer’s Therapy.”

*Smiling*

– C.A. Thomas

Deep Thought

I’m stuck in a place where truth is revealed but my heart is hesitant in receiving the very thing that could free me of mental blockage. Truth exposed my eyes to situations and people who’ve taunted my kindness, tears were only a map that were drawn and calculated carefully from the very being I’ve yet to embrace. Somewhere along the way my sight became blinded as my heart lead me on a path where coldness greeted me through my physical actions. I’m confused at this very point on how to start or finish the requirements expected of me to fulfill. If writing is my destiny my words shall form the very path I’ll follow…… I only dream of becoming the best writer the world has ever known, the best illustrator the world has ever touched, the most poignant writer who’s recovery will reach the eyes of the weak. I refuse to travel this journey alone, I refuse to remain in deep thought, my purpose is now……. thanks to you.

– C.A. Thomas

Evolution Of How We Treat One Another.

This is only an hypothesis I’ve managed to ponder on this morning.

The ones we never fathom over nor fantasize treats us better than ourselves. The ones we hardly recognize, barely identify through attention captures ours in the midst of confusion. Yet we treat those individuals so cold and harsh till questioning their absence when the aftermath is answered through silence. We desire who we want, make arrangements for how we choose to receive them without even wondering if their obligation matches our intent. What if evolution reversed this theory? What if we treated the very people who choose to love us with the sentiment of a promise coming to existence? Could our giving the opportunity to that individual shift their destiny along with ours together? Could this theory develop a much better understanding of “Love” each of us could benefit? This is only a hypothesis……. coming from a writer who tends to “overthink.”

– C.A. Thomas

Father’s Permission (Asking Her Hand) 

Sir, I come to you asking for your daughter’s hand. You’ve been her biggest supporter, gentle protector and financial comforter. I come to you as a man, asking not only your blessing but the assurance of continuing a value instilled…. as her husband. I wish to love her through every emotional reaching that’ll never question nor replace you as her wall of confidence. Without your importance, her existence would only become a very dream I’d never awaken. She’s the air I breathe, the night shining within me, as I pray you’ll accept my plea this very day. Filling your shoes I’ll never do, trailing your example I shall follow, earning your princess into my possession…… as she becomes the very queen I’ll always need.

May I ask for her hand?

– C.A. Thomas

Terms & Conditions

Terms & Conditions describes who we are, our capabilities and the very conditions of what it takes to deal with us at our most vulnerability. Any struggle promotes triumph if the battle is fought together, fulfilling the journey itself if the very two beings are devoted to creating happier times. No matter how fantasy intensifies inquisitive thinking, reality delivers the true nature of a human being and situation that’s encountered. Not everyone’s entitled to your terms & conditions but there are few who’s either eager or hesitant in signing. The eager are memorized, the hesitant are cautious as how each of us should thoroughly view from multiple angles. Little do we know, it is our terms and conditions that bring forth a truer version of someone who’s read you carefully, pondered on the benefits and repercussions yet remained focused by signing on the dotted line. Our Terms & Conditions define us, our happiness……. each other.

– C.A. Thomas

Learning To Become A Friend.

I wasn’t always a good friend. I’ve had selfish thoughts in hopes of favoritism shown on my behalf. Going out of my way to present my brand of being something I could barely recognize. My social cirlcle changed quickly as the weather, my wordplay landing me in impossible scenarios I’d never dreamed of fulfilling, leaving me all alone as a result to careless planning. Repeating occurrences never promoted the kind of happiness I’d imagine so the decision in “trying something different” soon became my new life project. It never dawned on me till I pondered on this…. “not only have I fallen in love, I’ve fallen in love with my best friend.” Learning to love is first learning to become a friend. 

That’s what I aspire to become.

– C.A. Thomas 

Black Men

Black Men, what happened to us? Our women no longer acknowledging us as Kings. The term “Nigga” spoken so loosely our generation have accepted it as collateral to distinguish immature behavior. Pants below the waist, excessive profane language with gun toting as a mandatory tool for survival. What happened to our Black men? Why did Malcolm speak, why has Martin preached, what purpose did Rosa express in refusal of giving up a seat? Cemeteries are becoming more familiar, creating the possibility of reaching 21 an impossible goal to achieve. Our Black men, leaving single mothers to raise their legacy, alone in a world where direction, guidance and protection are required. Black Men, increasing numbers through incarceration that makes us an easier target to chastise, destroying the very idea of substance in our black men. Why do our women look down on us? Because we no longer value ourselves as men, we’ve dethrone ourselves as royalty, making it harder for our women to identify dominance. Strikes are against us, opportunities become limitless, as negativity immediately spoken down on us. My black men…… together we can change…… together we can grow…… together we’re black men.

– C.A. Thomas

Making Love To You (My Words)

If I could love you my way I’d start with making love. Creating this very thing with you awakens my desire to love you with my all so gently, so calmly as our glands prove total exhaustion. Expressing my love with you could never contain my feelings, setting free my inhibitions that are much sweeter than a promised wet dream. Let our love produce forthcoming tomorrow’s as today is captured through each breath we inhale, leaving our brand as the exhale we autograph together…… always.

– C.A. Thomas 

Words (You Choose)

I find it quite enthralling how powerful words are. Words mean everything from the individuals who’ve managed to establish some entitlement in our lives. Words even mirror versions of ourselves, giving a sense of how we could be, truly be if change itself is inevitable in our growth. Similar to a seesaw, words are the balance that defies our way of thinking, allowing train of thought in processing actions either encouraging or damaging as the result. Words are vital in our everyday tasks if not important to our well being….. choose carefully. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Accidental Purpose 

I wonder if meeting the very people I’ve encountered was an accidental purpose? Loving the wrong people possibly an accidental lesson? If I remove “accidental”, purpose would speak volumes to my logic. In a way I’m happy purpose fulfills inquisitive questioning, bringing closure to an ending that’s not always guaranteed a happy one. Maybe my story began as the accidental coming into this world, writing out this very post as potential purpose, or maybe your eyes purposely landing on these very words accidentally?……. or maybe, just maybe this is my “Accidental Purpose.” 

– C.A. Thomas 

Possession

Your mine, I’m yours, you belong to me, I belong to you are what I hear. People murdering/hurting one another over loss/fear of possession. I never grasped the idea of wanting to control another, getting to know someone is already enough to process. Why allow anger to corrupt your thinking over someone who never belonged to you? Why use manipulation or even different types of abuse in taunting the very being you once loved? Possession stems from the root of weakness, ability in losing full control over temporary assurance. Anything worth cherishing needs no restrain….. for the trust and respect established requires no owner. 

– C.A. Thomas 

???

I’m reminded of the past when I see the smiles I once claimed now owned by new names. It puts me in a low state where my presence feels unwanted, watching others pursue the very journey that ended my adventure. People you cannot fix, situations you cannot compromise for the outcome itself remains unresolved. My feet has a silly way of stumbling backwards into scenarios meaning no point, fusing more animation of drama instead of removing the very bookmark I implanted. How I’m feeling at the moment I cannot describe. Ask me later and I’ll have a much better answer. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Happiness (Out Of Reach)

Happiness, out of reach it seems. No matter how close I become, it slips through my fingers as the very air dying to breathe. If happiness acquired a taste my memory would grow scarce, forgetting the ingredients to achieve such an amazing dish. I’m reaching yet growing so weary of something I barely remember. I’d give anything for a piece of happiness, just a small incentive would crave my appetite. I’d embrace happiness every day if I could, hoping it’ll kiss me with inspiration to feel complete. Happiness may seem out of reach…… and I’ll never cease reaching till I achieve it. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Depression (My Next Door Neighbor)

Depression was the next door neighbor I had no intentions meeting. It moved in on a day I’d yearn companionship. Loneliness began as disappointments made life much difficult to process. Disagreements and confusion were all depression needed for an invitational visit. On a day where the clouds were glooming over the sun depression catches me at my lowest, sitting alone in such a dark thought I found myself on the very steps of depression…. knocking on its door, it welcomes me as the happiness I once owned was left behind. Depression consumed my mind as the door closed, eating its way through my thoughts of who I was. My body no longer of use for the disease began fading away my physical form. Caring succumbed to the numbness of my emotions, leaving a feeling I remembered so cold. Lost was all I could recollect of this experience, to survive is what I needed to destroy this coldness. Depression is no longer a neighbor of mine, nor will it ever be. *Packs bags*

– C.A. Thomas 

Problems 

As a child I loved solving problems. The gratification of solving a problem delivered a much greater sense of purpose in my life, almost that “smartest person in the world” type feeling. I’ve also experienced the “sink before you swim theory.” Some problems require the strategic of time to relinquish results that initially delivers the next careful step in theoretical planning. If not careful, handling problems without prior knowledge could bring forth a more chaotic, theatrical setting that’s guaranteed to orchestrate unfamiliar emotions. Problems resolve their own issues depending on the will of “letting go.” We can’t solve them all, no matter how much we encourage…….. try solving this.

– C.A. Thomas 

“21”

I dedicate this to my friend Deunta Jarvis…… RIP

This very post was my mother’s idea. “Give the viewers a moment of your life, don’t hesitate to invite them in.”

I’ll always remember “21”. 21 changed my life, for the better and worse. Seven months before my 21st birthday I found my biological father. The encounter literally scared me beyond assumption, the acceptance of new blood or the rejection of false hope. My father entered my world at the precise moment I needed him, gaining the overwhelming feeling of a child needing his father solidified my wish in the affection of a hug. Little did I know, a childhood friend I lost touch with had passed 3 months after 21. His name was Deunta, the fastest runner to ever touch the green of Glenn Hills. Not coming to terms with his death kept me from the funeral, mentally I wasn’t prepared in saying my final wishes to a ghost. Nothing held my tears until learning Deunta’s saving of ten lives, organ donors gaining a new sense of hope from a guy they’ll never encounter. My friend lives on through survivors, he’s right here with us, I’ll always be proud of my friend…… I’ll always remember “21”

– C.A. Thomas

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Tasteful Waterfall

She’s the waterfall I remember vividly. The way her texture displayed such an incredible view. She laid there pouring nature’s intentions, as I stand from afar fascinated at life’s predictions. She lures me over with a handful splash, navigating the cheeks of my very face as astonishment leaves me speechless. I remove the fabrics of my linen, anxious yet curious of the revelation being revealed before me. Slowly, I allow the stream to surround my entire structure, feeling every inch of me consumed by an indescribable dream. She soaks me, covers me, bathes me in such delicacy as my eyes focus on the beginning of her creation. She contracts me with such an amazing pull I immediately slip under such clearing visual, my mouth filled with every second of her, forbidding my refusal of releasing a taste I’d never recollect….. I can’t help myself, she tastes so damn good.

– C.A. Thomas

Grandmother’s Rose 

Dedicated to Laverne…. I Love you Grandma.

Even a rose loses its pedals. The 21st year I witnessed a rose, gently greeting me at the front door of an entrance seemingly unfamiliar. Home wasn’t difficult recognizing in this atmosphere, the puzzle finally coming together for a concluding chapter. She’s the rose whose thorns have pierced my heart with an embracing aroma. A rose filled with magic I remember so well. The way she’d prepare meals out of the impossible, peers smiling at the very sound of her name even I can attest to. My rose is slipping away from me, her pedals are falling, her thorns are withering but yet she stands. You’ll always be my beautiful rose…. grandma. Continue blooming as God remains the root.

– C.A. Thomas 

The Essence of A Woman (My Tribute To You)

Some men have completely forgotten the essence of a woman. I’ll gladly remind you…. A woman will reveal herself to a man that’s earned the privilege of seeing an unforgettable canvas. She’ll brushstroke his thoughts with an ideal of wedding bells and little children revealing images of memories. This woman will place the weight of her emotions on a last name she’ll gain through his trust, love and protection. Her touch shifts his emptiness into a home that’s worth revisiting, becoming the very thoughts of his successful making endeavors. She’s never recognized enough, appreciated enough, let alone loved enough. It is the very essence of a woman that makes being a gentleman an honor. 

My tribute to you. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Comfort Zone (Writing My Way Out)

My comfort zone puts me to bed earlier than before. Those four walls grow smaller as the sun becomes the tiny beam eager to penetrate heat. Somehow I’ve lost my sense of hope, my direction now completely lost without any possibility of locating. I’ve found my strength in these very words the chance of perseverance through writing my way out. I’m gonna grace every line with such enriching detail that’ll tear away those walls, giving life to my thoughts as I write my destiny. I can do this…. I’m gonna do this. I will do this. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Selfish (Not All About You)

Selfish is practiced more than ever in today’s era. It’s so easy thinking of yourself when others are struggling to achieve the benefits of asking for help. Non refundable reciprocation is what triggers the hesistation of doing your best for others till the roles become reversible. The remedy to this distasteful ingredient is all but simple… perform deeds without the expectation of something that’s never given a thought nor promised. Become the very pattern that entices other’s curiosity to follow and remember…. it’s not all about you, it’s about all of us enabling the determination to rid the disease of selfish. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Emotional Gift

To possess a gift harbors so many emotions. Many times the emotions you carry are never asked, borrowed or even considered. Somehow life and scenarios tend to give you all types of emotions that could blind your gift. Even through smoke a visual is revealed, confusion even sets in to detour you from what destiny has prepared. To piece your life together you begin astonishing peers with an unfamiliar feeling that enables you to demonstrate the beginning of something meaningful. Meaningful that illustrates beautiful in the eyes of so many that it scares you. You ask yourself why you deserve such a beautiful gift? Not realizing that your emotions are what triggers the best of what lies within you. How do I know this?

Because, typing this very thing is what scares me the most.

You have a gift…. let your emotions reveal your destiny.

– C.A. Thomas

Trust (Don’t Give Up On Me)

You’re the most vital thing that concludes many “Happily Ever After’s.” Without you where could happiness reside? Without trust where could respect find a place to park? Where would honor lay its head, where would integrity have a place at the table or noble in the laundry room washing despise with forgiveness as the detergent? Trust marries respect that gives birth to loyalty, leaving its offspring as the very family that proves thicker than appreciation. Trust, I come to you now asking that you never give up on me. Expose me to genuineness, show me the real in people, bring forth all good that’ll ease my theories to rest. Show me that you’re not some myth others discuss through anger or confusion. I believe in your trust, resurrect the good within my heart so I may pass it on as a gift to others who crave your essence. Show me how to love you, teach me to respect you, I know you can do this…….. I believe in you……. don’t give up on me.

– C.A. Thomas

Love (Behind The Scenes)

I used to crave love, as easily depicted on film I somehow believed love was as easy as actors portray. Unfortunately, I was sadly mistaken. It doesn’t take memorizing lines to express the very feeling that’s easy to identify, let alone translate. It’s as if sex has diminished the idea of love that has confused nearly a nation that’s easily identified through social media and gossip. All that’s missing are paparazzi and cameras to capture unhidden emotions. Instead of rehearsing fictional thoughts allow love to write its own script, allow love to hire you for an already tailored position, allow love to deliver the red carpet treatment personally to you. You’re the walking star who’s handprints are already enshrined within the heart of someone who’s dying for your autograph.

– C.A. Thomas