Bearded Journey

I once hid my emotions behind a beard, covering every inch of my expression where no one could guess my feelings. Inches became length of wild, untamable hair fighting its way into my life. My lips soon devoured in the very hair I grew because of no longer caring in my appearance. The scene of sulking and depression left me helpless in the midst of refusal in crying for help. In that moment I felt as if Wyatt Earp and I shared identical dreading of losing ourselves. Darkness covered my thoughts, my mind suffering seizure type relapses with everyone’s voice around me slowly tuning out. My beard signifies strength, accepting hurt and pain as a reminder to become even stronger in my journey. No blade shall ever touch this face, not now nor ever. My beard defines me……. I am strength.

– C.A. Thomas

Life Afterwards

I wonder what’s beyond the doors of where I report? The smell of freedom looming in the air as my day comes to a close. A place I have no desire in retiring, no place of closing my eyes one final time. These walls have consumed familiarity, the people have outgrown the laughs, the building grows smaller through every turn of each corner. I think it’s time I look beyond the exit for more of what’s in store for me. There’s always more for the eye of the seeker…… but only the seeker must have faith in believing there’s more than what the eye can truly see.

My time is now.

– C.A. Thomas

Personal Description

Thirty four years on this earth and I’m changing. More cautious if not hesitant in who I open up to. My heart and feelings are all I have to relinquish and as freely as I’m prepared to do so I realize the importance of honesty in the handling of something valuable and priceless to me. Let’s get personal for a moment. Hurt is familiar as the air we breathe, toxic as the energy fed on us from unhappiness laced with hatred. Exposed to wrong doings, misunderstandings as it translates to wanting the inevitable damn near impossible brink of the “ever after” we all deserve. Accepting the realization of truth…. living the lesson of experience versus interpreting theories based on other’s choices, which we should not pursue.

This is my personal description… define yours.

– C.A. Thomas

Nina

Never understood the true definition of friendship till I met you. As kids our paths were on different courses, this beautiful young girl who blossomed into such a brilliant woman has survived many obstacles throughout her life and remains to smile through it all. The postcards, the texts, the laughs, the have a great day gestures are the reminder of what love truly is and how it should be demonstrated. Sometimes I feel as if I don’t deserve your friendship, your kindness, your genuineness yet you think of me enough in saving me. As I’m sitting here writing this I want you to know….. how special you are to me. The world could use more people like you….. I’m grateful in knowing you.

– C.A. Thomas

Text

Keeping my phone close by, like a natural high of you soothing my intentions with a long sound of honest reverberation. Flipping over my phone, testing the sound of a notification hoping it’ll be you. Phone lights up, sound echoes, mattress vibrating every feeling of you coming through. I slide, unlock, glimpsing the message I’d hope in receiving from you but it isn’t. Expectation lowers, heartbeat slows, adrenaline leaves my body in despairing hope as the tide washes away every detail of excitement I once harbored. Fantasy fades, reality blends with life as the final mixture of plain eviscerating taste buds making it difficult in describing what’s real. No point in replying to a message that needs no resuscitation. Let the words of a gentle let down encourage strength to awaken within me…… reminding me I’m someone’s reason to smile through text sent from yours truly.

Sending……

– C.A. Thomas

Disappointment (Perception’s Reality)

Has disappointment become apart of the normal? Do we as beings rely on this train of thought in hopes of defending our very own feelings, depriving our happiness? It’s crazy how our expectations of others could be so low, less hopeful, quick in pointing out flaws that narrates the characters we’re known to portray. Giving up on one another becomes easier to accomplish than realizing the power of influence we could have on one another. It doesn’t take a genius to identify this nightmare of disappointment but relying on it only creates harder in convincing. Only we can disappoint ourselves, not the individuals we easily rely on for assistance.

– C.A. Thomas

Lonely

It’s amazing how we all can empathize the same feelings yet project them differently. Displaying a cry for affection and love with millions of people as if we’re all drawing the same lottery pick. Lonely does create darker moments, more reflection of self for a special someone we’re hoping who’ll awaken us from a weary dream. Although lonely strengthens you at times it does weaken possibilities with desperation, leaving yourself vulnerable to the slightest indication of dishonest attention. If lonely taught me anything the lesson was this…… this too shall pass.

– C.A. Thomas

Wasted Years

Years fly, like seconds lost in the blink of an eye. Where has time traveled? I used to criticize my life for the time I've wasted over the years then it occurred to me… time was never wasted. At this moment, how I'm feeling right now I haven't wasted anything. Hurt, agony, tear shedding and anger were the very clouds surrounding me over the years. I've always carried this darkness of an attitude I tried so hard in disclosing but the good inside of me promoted more laughter for the enjoyment of anyone willing to listen. No such thing as wasted years if you're learning something. As a bonus, I now have you guys (audience). Believe it or not, you're teaching me a lot about myself and I'm very grateful and privileged for this.

– C.A. Thomas

Starting Over

Removing pictures off a wall scattered in hammered nails. Fresh paint covering memories, removing triggering flashbacks as I now detail a new insight of home. The sleepless nights have gotten better, the echoes of a familiar voice are now gone, all I hear is peace in the distance. Starting over is a new kind of different, a new kind of idea I once was hesitant in fulfilling. My heart wishes to create new memories, the hopeful memories including a wife and children with a tiny little dog that keeps us all going. With a new toolbox already purchased, tools to begin my new found journey I'm almost ready to begin.

Thank you all for accompanying me on this journey called "Life".

– C.A. Thomas

Personality (For The Ladies)

Ladies,

Your personality speaks volumes. It rings in our ears the melody of sweet tunes our thoughts process vividly after the introduction. Looks are only a preview of the presentation presented in the format of a personality humbly receiving the standing ovation. Never let anyone bring you out of your element of charisma, it's the chance you're willing to give us that enhances our maturity beyond meaning. It is you who allow us to become the better version of ourselves, projecting the best we'll ever become because of your love, your grace and devotion to our well being. "I love you" will never be enough in showing the gratitude you deserve…. because there's no us without you.