Betrayal

Betrayal, a kiss carrying no meaning, a hug not as trustworthy as the previous. Words no longer distinguishing value as promises drown in expectations of disappointment. Betrayal compared to ice, cold as the premeditation of gentle water forming a cube of ice, hardened in damaging what it touches. The closeness of bondage tampered with elements of suspensional beliefs, triggering curiosity as it paralyzes any hope of good resurrected.  People are capable of change….. betrayal is never forgotten like a dream that’s easy to interpret. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Stipulation

How could I decorate anything if I’m not entitled to ownership? How can I bring anything to life if my signature means absolutely nothing? I’m beyond prepared in altering the presence of change in a beautiful setup, manipulating every detail to my satisfactory. Ownership means everything to me, establishing a legacy for the footprints of my children’s children to follow in the midst of my absence. Stipulation are the strings holding me in place, the reality hindering me of achieving a long dream I’m hoping to awaken. This is one of those times prayer is needed in anticipating my next possible move….. because at this moment, I’m standing still. 

– C.A. Thomas 

The Best Of Me

There’s a piece of me I’m saving for you. The best of me I’m leaving for you, the joyous moment of a dream coming true. Confusion overshadowing a time of grief, leaving me all alone feeling incomplete, finally realizing alone prepares me for the presence of you. Time demonstrates the privilege of my presence, understanding the honesty of my worth tripled by a woman who’s touch instills the maturity within my growth. When our path of destiny collide she’ll inherit the best of me, the rest of me as our love shall ever intend to be. She deserves that part of me.

Till the day I exhale my last breath. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Late Nights, Drunken Thoughts 

Confinement in my house glues me to a lazy boy chair, drinking my thoughts of questioning to a morning awakening of headaches. Putting my mind in neutral as my body entices itself in cleaning away memories expired beyond taste, smelling of dust with life taken away. I’m slowly gaining a piece of myself removing memories of a hurtful goodbye, adding character within each touch I practice. The sun continues to shine so shall I, embarking on a journey of understanding one day at a time. Moving on my accord, setting my own pace, living my life that’s already written for me.

– C.A Thomas 

Love In Translation

The closest to love I could easily translate would be you. My feeling for you demonstrates endless possibilities of spontaneity beyond action. Loving you as the privilege sworn I’d vow to live by, accepting your worst as the reality of understanding an angel’s limitations. Breathless moments of seeing you across the room, heartbeats skipping patterns in hopes of longing your touch in squeezable doses. I’m not your everyday hero, not even a knight in shiny armor, I’m only a man who loves you more than myself. Sometimes I believe my life would only begin the second we fall in love, journeying on a quest that only we’d embark. She may never read this…… She may never know….. I still love her till this day. 

– C.A. Thomas 

Empty

Sometimes I feel empty, emptiness like a house with no furniture. Staring in a large room where life no longer exists but my very own. Memories I try holding onto slip away as my tears blur the vision of remembrance. It becomes difficult each day gaining an inch of happiness, wondering why you left me so soon? Anger would only diminish my conscious of good I have because of you, yet I question your illness in hopes of God granting you a second chance of life. You loved me at the highest platform of my existence, in return reciprocity became the shower of kisses I drowned you in every chance I took. I can smell the essence of you that made it harder in keeping me away, piecing together an obituary and photo collage that resembles my thoughts of you. Now I realize glancing at a program harboring your smile is much harder to view, a death date solidifying every hope and wish of you returning falsified like an opportunity never circling again. I’m gonna pray my emptiness dissolve, replacing it with love as the concrete my heart shall express in memory of you.

I love you grandma.

Always,

– C.A. Thomas

Reconstruction (One Piece At A Time)

I took a few days to recollect my thoughts. Alone has occupied my personal space as I piece my life together. A loss I took became the blessful gain of inheritance that changed my life completely. Noise lowered to silence, routine of performance getting better by the minute while understanding myself becomes more recognizable within a tremendous time span. Perfection is of no point in reaching in my world, although achieving success remains the star I aim to reach. I’m totally under reconstruction, piecing it all together in preparation of something beautiful in the end. 

Stay tuned.

– C.A. Thomas 

Pain On Ice 

I’ve been feeling a bit cold lately. Ceiling fan twirling at the highest capacity in a room filled with emptiness. Alarm clock ringing in my ear as a reminder of routine already set in motion, disciplining myself to keep moving forward. The pain occurs the second I glance at her obituary, keeping my thoughts together before entering the world in hopes of hiding my feelings. People display comfort through similar scenarios of loss but even I cannot display emotional sympathy at the moment. I’m finding difficulty accepting the reality of my grandmother’s fate, questioning an angel’s absence who fought so hard to remain below the clouds…… God I miss her, this I understand. I cannot allow hatred to filter my emotional state, instead I should be grateful that suffering shall one day reunite with peace. 

For now my pain shall remain on ice. 

– C.A. Thomas 

May 24th 

On the early morning of Wednesday, May 24th I saw her lying there. Helpless covered her as the echoing of air leaving her body so suddenly. I slowly approach her, leaning over placing a gentle kiss on the frontal lobe of my grandmother, leaning in further whispering in her ear “I love you grandma”. The nurse enters the room, initializing the time of passing as my family and I say our final peace. Proceedings occurring too quickly, never enough time in processing loss, crying without reasoning as it orchestrates sleepless nights. Help me find the words in healing, help me understand the cure to grievance, awaken me from a dream I have to relive for the rest of my life.

Please get me through this….

– C.A. Thomas 

Change Of Address

Home is where I feel at peace, feeling safe with laughter bouncing from wall to wall in a room where nothing matters. Seconds pass, minutes calculated of fun overtaken with joyous memories. Sadness draws in, rethinking wrong turns and regretful choices, witnessing pain as it takes its toll on the very being who embodies love beyond imagination. Tears no longer controlled, anger birthing questions due to lack of understanding till the day “change of address” occurs. No form needed, no explanation necessary for the homegoing solidifying pain at rest. My home is with you, where the fun times are forever compensated with happiness.

This is my “Change Of Address”

– C.A. Thomas