Bearded Journey

I once hid my emotions behind a beard, covering every inch of my expression where no one could guess my feelings. Inches became length of wild, untamable hair fighting its way into my life. My lips soon devoured in the very hair I grew because of no longer caring in my appearance. The scene of sulking and depression left me helpless in the midst of refusal in crying for help. In that moment I felt as if Wyatt Earp and I shared identical dreading of losing ourselves. Darkness covered my thoughts, my mind suffering seizure type relapses with everyone’s voice around me slowly tuning out. My beard signifies strength, accepting hurt and pain as a reminder to become even stronger in my journey. No blade shall ever touch this face, not now nor ever. My beard defines me……. I am strength.

– C.A. Thomas

Life Afterwards

I wonder what’s beyond the doors of where I report? The smell of freedom looming in the air as my day comes to a close. A place I have no desire in retiring, no place of closing my eyes one final time. These walls have consumed familiarity, the people have outgrown the laughs, the building grows smaller through every turn of each corner. I think it’s time I look beyond the exit for more of what’s in store for me. There’s always more for the eye of the seeker…… but only the seeker must have faith in believing there’s more than what the eye can truly see.

My time is now.

– C.A. Thomas

Personal Description

Thirty four years on this earth and I’m changing. More cautious if not hesitant in who I open up to. My heart and feelings are all I have to relinquish and as freely as I’m prepared to do so I realize the importance of honesty in the handling of something valuable and priceless to me. Let’s get personal for a moment. Hurt is familiar as the air we breathe, toxic as the energy fed on us from unhappiness laced with hatred. Exposed to wrong doings, misunderstandings as it translates to wanting the inevitable damn near impossible brink of the “ever after” we all deserve. Accepting the realization of truth…. living the lesson of experience versus interpreting theories based on other’s choices, which we should not pursue.

This is my personal description… define yours.

– C.A. Thomas

36 Septembers

For Ty,

Growth and wisdom covers you, eternally as the blanket of beauty surrounds you. September 18th is no ordinary day but indeed a significant one, revealing a treasure that shines far beyond the sight of eyes. Thirty six years, this very blessing in the form of a smile attached to such a caring yet amazing instrument of a woman. As I light this candle, celebrating God’s carefully written music entitled “September 18, 1981″…… I’m forever grateful in knowing such beautifully, talented and captivation of a masterpiece.

*Blows out candle*

Happy Birthday Ty

Always,

– C.A. Thomas

Nina

Never understood the true definition of friendship till I met you. As kids our paths were on different courses, this beautiful young girl who blossomed into such a brilliant woman has survived many obstacles throughout her life and remains to smile through it all. The postcards, the texts, the laughs, the have a great day gestures are the reminder of what love truly is and how it should be demonstrated. Sometimes I feel as if I don’t deserve your friendship, your kindness, your genuineness yet you think of me enough in saving me. As I’m sitting here writing this I want you to know….. how special you are to me. The world could use more people like you….. I’m grateful in knowing you.

– C.A. Thomas

Text

Keeping my phone close by, like a natural high of you soothing my intentions with a long sound of honest reverberation. Flipping over my phone, testing the sound of a notification hoping it’ll be you. Phone lights up, sound echoes, mattress vibrating every feeling of you coming through. I slide, unlock, glimpsing the message I’d hope in receiving from you but it isn’t. Expectation lowers, heartbeat slows, adrenaline leaves my body in despairing hope as the tide washes away every detail of excitement I once harbored. Fantasy fades, reality blends with life as the final mixture of plain eviscerating taste buds making it difficult in describing what’s real. No point in replying to a message that needs no resuscitation. Let the words of a gentle let down encourage strength to awaken within me…… reminding me I’m someone’s reason to smile through text sent from yours truly.

Sending……

– C.A. Thomas

Disappointment (Perception’s Reality)

Has disappointment become apart of the normal? Do we as beings rely on this train of thought in hopes of defending our very own feelings, depriving our happiness? It’s crazy how our expectations of others could be so low, less hopeful, quick in pointing out flaws that narrates the characters we’re known to portray. Giving up on one another becomes easier to accomplish than realizing the power of influence we could have on one another. It doesn’t take a genius to identify this nightmare of disappointment but relying on it only creates harder in convincing. Only we can disappoint ourselves, not the individuals we easily rely on for assistance.

– C.A. Thomas

Lonely

It’s amazing how we all can empathize the same feelings yet project them differently. Displaying a cry for affection and love with millions of people as if we’re all drawing the same lottery pick. Lonely does create darker moments, more reflection of self for a special someone we’re hoping who’ll awaken us from a weary dream. Although lonely strengthens you at times it does weaken possibilities with desperation, leaving yourself vulnerable to the slightest indication of dishonest attention. If lonely taught me anything the lesson was this…… this too shall pass.

– C.A. Thomas

Passport

Wanna find my way to you. Live our lives as if tomorrow was never due, holding you in my arms as if love felt so true. Across the world we'll travel, landing on the destination our lips would forever speak of. Filling our memoirs with polished memories we'd recount on a tasteless night filled with our energy. Am
I wrong for thinking such things? For wanting to embrace the very being that makes up the genetic makeup of a woman I'm yearning to kiss, craving to passion with every inch connected to my name. I want you to the point of needing every part of you in my life….. just you.

– C.A. Thomas

Different Language

Let your lips become the reason I learn a new language. Place those lips in front me, enhancing a perfect view of enrichment. Place your lips against mine, moisture dripping of you speaks to me. Pronounce those words, follow my tongue as I repeat every word, every sentence as it seduces my appetite. Turn around, bend over so those lips can slowly spread for me, giving me every reason to master this new language. The warmth of this education has enthralled my learning ability. I'm gonna ace this exam, kissing your lips till dryness no longer becomes relevant.

*licks lips*

– C.A. Thomas