And The Award Goes To…

I’ve always felt women are never recognized enough…… I dedicate this award to you.

Love for a reason, making love for every reason. Your kisses solidifies the very trust capable of uncovering hidden explanations within us men. Supporting with intent, adoring with such sentiment how could this woman go unnoticed? She hurts more than us, she endures pain stronger than trust still she forgives with open arms. Her legs closed, her heart unfolds the revelation of pregnancy. Months surpass, her uterus enlarging in preparation of demonstrating life itself. Water breaks, she pushes, she gasps with overwhelming virtue placed in the cup of her arms. Tiny eyes blinking, staring through the window of a woman who’s been through Heaven’s measures, emotions challenged thus smiling like it all occurred in a previous dream. No acting involved, no rehearsal needed, no directors capturing the moments of her on film. She’s her own category, her own contender, her own voice.

It is with great honor and privilege to announce the winner for displaying such consistency, such compassion filled with grace in every step she’s taken.

Ladies and Gentlemen…. *opens envelope*

“And the award goes to…..”

– C.A. Thomas

Entertain (No Longer Fun)

Entertaining starts out fun in the beginning. Ideas rise, excitement brings forth opportunities leading possibly to amazing scenarios and situations. Long conversations, unlimited texts, discovering new thoughts of hesitant action slowly unfolding in the midst of entertaining another. Soon the entertaining becomes a likable trait, hopeful in asking the once playful thought which occurs numerously out on a date to see if that spark of interest will continue….. it doesn’t. The ambition to entertain now lacks the courage to no longer pursue the drive once controlling the feeling of emotion. Entertaining used to be fun…… just not for me anymore.

– C.A. Thomas

The Best Way We Know How.

Inspired by a dear friend

People project themselves the best way they know how. Loving the best way they know how, distancing themselves from us the best way they know how yet we never observe the uncertainty of their actions. It’s easy harboring unnecessary anger and confusion when the answer to our very questions lie before our eyes. We deal with life the best way we know how, display our emotions the best way we know how till our heart no longer beats the way it should. We take breaths the best way we know how, live the only way we know how till time slows us all down the way it’s intended to be. We smile the best way, frown the worst way with laughing as a means to escape momentarily. If we’re ever held accountable for anything….. it’s simply experiencing life the best way we know how.

– C.A. Thomas

From Here On Out.

From here on out things will change. Is it the kinda change in hopes of promoting such positivity that lures others within my grasp? Alluring words filled with captivity within my presence intrigued by a healing smile that’s eager to set free. I only desire in becoming the best I can truly become, which I find difficult at times but yet have I not given up on this quest. From here on out I can only expect such results within myself that I hold accountable, never blaming anyone’s words nor actions but indeed thanking them in the teachings of growth, maturity and humility. From here on out things will be different, my life shall be different….. and only I can bring out this complete change…. from here on out.

– C.A. Thomas

Bearded Journey

I once hid my emotions behind a beard, covering every inch of my expression where no one could guess my feelings. Inches became length of wild, untamable hair fighting its way into my life. My lips soon devoured in the very hair I grew because of no longer caring in my appearance. The scene of sulking and depression left me helpless in the midst of refusal in crying for help. In that moment I felt as if Wyatt Earp and I shared identical dreading of losing ourselves. Darkness covered my thoughts, my mind suffering seizure type relapses with everyone’s voice around me slowly tuning out. My beard signifies strength, accepting hurt and pain as a reminder to become even stronger in my journey. No blade shall ever touch this face, not now nor ever. My beard defines me……. I am strength.

– C.A. Thomas

Personal Description

Thirty four years on this earth and I’m changing. More cautious if not hesitant in who I open up to. My heart and feelings are all I have to relinquish and as freely as I’m prepared to do so I realize the importance of honesty in the handling of something valuable and priceless to me. Let’s get personal for a moment. Hurt is familiar as the air we breathe, toxic as the energy fed on us from unhappiness laced with hatred. Exposed to wrong doings, misunderstandings as it translates to wanting the inevitable damn near impossible brink of the “ever after” we all deserve. Accepting the realization of truth…. living the lesson of experience versus interpreting theories based on other’s choices, which we should not pursue.

This is my personal description… define yours.

– C.A. Thomas

Lonely

It’s amazing how we all can empathize the same feelings yet project them differently. Displaying a cry for affection and love with millions of people as if we’re all drawing the same lottery pick. Lonely does create darker moments, more reflection of self for a special someone we’re hoping who’ll awaken us from a weary dream. Although lonely strengthens you at times it does weaken possibilities with desperation, leaving yourself vulnerable to the slightest indication of dishonest attention. If lonely taught me anything the lesson was this…… this too shall pass.

– C.A. Thomas

Starting Over

Removing pictures off a wall scattered in hammered nails. Fresh paint covering memories, removing triggering flashbacks as I now detail a new insight of home. The sleepless nights have gotten better, the echoes of a familiar voice are now gone, all I hear is peace in the distance. Starting over is a new kind of different, a new kind of idea I once was hesitant in fulfilling. My heart wishes to create new memories, the hopeful memories including a wife and children with a tiny little dog that keeps us all going. With a new toolbox already purchased, tools to begin my new found journey I'm almost ready to begin.

Thank you all for accompanying me on this journey called "Life".

– C.A. Thomas

Not Enough Words

Not enough words to explain how I feel, music turned up, windows rolled down as the air brushes my face. Bypassing hurt, exiting anger with the construction of self slowly working against unfinished time. Finding the words in description of my heart cannot be searched, GPS displaying out of range leaving the reliable compass of direction spinning. I wish my words could assist me on the journey of finding my way but sometimes….. there aren't enough words to clarify the emotions running through my mind, not enough words to pinpoint my own happiness or even the beginning of what I'm destined to finish.

– C.A. Thomas

Betrayal

Betrayal, a kiss carrying no meaning, a hug not as trustworthy as the previous. Words no longer distinguishing value as promises drown in expectations of disappointment. Betrayal compared to ice, cold as the premeditation of gentle water forming a cube of ice, hardened in damaging what it touches. The closeness of bondage tampered with elements of suspensional beliefs, triggering curiosity as it paralyzes any hope of good resurrected.  People are capable of change….. betrayal is never forgotten like a dream that’s easy to interpret. 

– C.A. Thomas